My fiancée wants me to sign a prenup protecting her future inheritance but refuses to work or contribute to our household expenses, so I told her no prenup means no wedding.
We'd been together for three years when she brought it up. Her grandfather had set up a trust fund worth about two million, and she wanted it protected before we got married. Fair enough, I thought. Prenups make sense when there's family money involved. Then she slid the papers across the table at dinner.
I started reading through it carefully. Everything I earned during our marriage would be split fifty-fifty in a divorce. My 401k, my savings, my future bonuses—all community property. Her inheritance? Completely untouchable. Even the interest it generated would be hers alone. Any property purchased with her money would remain solely hers. I looked up at her and said, "So you want full protection, but I get none?"
She shrugged like it was obvious. "It's my family's money. They worked hard for it."
Here's the thing—I'm a software engineer making around $120k a year. Not rich, but comfortable. She hasn't worked a single day in the two years we've lived together. When we first moved in, she said she needed time to figure out her career path. She'd just quit her marketing job because her boss was difficult. I said fine, take a few months, and I covered everything.
Rent was $2,400 a month. Add utilities, groceries, her car insurance, her phone bill, dinners out, weekend trips—I was funding our entire life. I thought it was temporary. A few months of support while she got back on her feet.
But every few months, there was a new excuse. First, she wanted to take photography classes to build a portfolio. Three thousand dollars later, she decided photography wasn't her passion. Then she needed to focus on her mental health and started seeing a therapist twice a week. Which I also paid for. Then it was a yoga certification program because she thought she might want to teach. Another two grand.
All of this funded by me, obviously, while she waited for her inheritance to kick in when she turned thirty.
So when she handed me that prenup, something inside me snapped. I put the papers down and said, "Let me get this straight. You want me to sign something that protects all your assets, but you haven't contributed a single dollar to our household in two years?"
She got defensive immediately. "I've been working on myself. You said you supported that."
I said, "I do support you working on yourself. But at some point, you need to actually work. Period."
Her face changed. She looked at me like I'd just insulted her entire family. "So you want access to my inheritance? Is that what this is about?"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "No. I want you to get a job and pay half our bills. I want to know that I'm marrying a partner, not a dependent."
She stood up from the table, voice rising. "You're being controlling. You're trying to manipulate me into giving up my financial security."
I stayed calm and looked her right in the eyes. "I'm asking you to contribute equally to the life we're building together. If you want a prenup that protects your assets, fine. But you need to start acting like an equal partner first. Get a job, any job, and start paying half the rent and groceries. Show me this is a real partnership."
She stared at me for a long moment, then grabbed her purse and left. Just walked out without another word.
That night, she went to stay with her parents. I figured she needed space to cool down and think about what I'd said. Maybe she'd realize I had a point and we could work through this like adults.
Instead, her mother called me the next morning, absolutely furious. She told me I was financially abusing her daughter by withholding my support. She said I was trying to control her through money and that a real man would never make his fiancée feel insecure about her future. That I should be grateful someone from her family was even considering marrying me.
I just laughed. I actually laughed on the phone. I said, "Your daughter wants me to sign a prenup protecting her two million dollar inheritance while she contributes absolutely nothing to our household. She hasn't worked in two years. I pay for everything. And somehow I'm the one being controlling?"
Her mom went silent for a second, then said, "She's going through a difficult time finding herself."
I said, "She can find herself while paying rent like the rest of us."
Then I told her to tell her daughter that when she's ready to contribute equally to our relationship, we can talk about marriage. Until then, the wedding's off. The venue deposit can come out of her trust fund.
I haven't heard from either of them in five days.
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