stop feeling behind in life

Why am I so behind in life? This is one of the questions I’ve asked myself over and over again at various ages. If you're feeling behind in life and if you feel like you’ve wasted your life, and if you have mulled this question over so often, then I hope my words can reach you.

In this hybrid cinematic vlog/video essay, I discuss the feeling of being behind with a philosophical lens. I analyze the mindset from structural, evolutionary, and existential levels and provide reasons which arise why we feel behind in life. Mixed throughout the video I also share how this mindset of being “behind” in life has affected me, and what I’ve done to navigate this crushing feeling.

I make loose references to the history of philosophy, specifically Heidegger’s interpretation of the cogito in the third section. Also, in the discussion between reputation and legacy, I use clips from The Banshees of Inisherin (no spoilers).

As always, thank you for taking the time to watch my video!

(Also, I briefly touch on the alleged possibility of my first YouTube video being very heavily inspired. If you do see the other YouTuber’s video, please don’t harass them. I don’t name them here, and it’s not my intention to shame them. Rather, this incident felt apt at the time because it challenged the mindset I was talking about in this video.)

➳ Thumbnail Photo Credit:
  / brady.abler  

➳ Books Featured & Books which Influenced Me
Below is the list of gay books I featured in that one sequence* :)
https://bookshop.org/lists/gay-novels...

Other classics which you should check out*:
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley: https://bookshop.org/a/107411/9780141...
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: https://bookshop.org/a/107411/9780060...
Wyoming Stories by Annie Proulx (contains Brokeback Mountain): https://bookshop.org/a/107411/9780684...
Being and Time by Martin Heidegger: https://bookshop.org/a/107411/9781438...

*Support small bookstores! Support this channel. The above marked with * are affiliate links where, at no extra cost to you, small bookstores and I may receive a small commission.

➳ Timestamps:
00:00 - why am I so behind in life?
00:52 - asking the question at various ages
01:32 - the pattern repeated itself
2:25 - until I broke free of the pattern
3:24 - preface to the analysis
04:22 - the structural level
05:42 - let me cook
07:25 - the evolutionary level
08:32 - brokeback mountain
09:40 - contemporary gay perfectionism
10:08 - you are not your job
10:30 - you exist in the context…
10:58 - a healthy relationship with the system
11:52 - how the evolutionary relates to being “behind”
12:30 - the existential level & the history of the cogito
15:11 - e.g., the banshees of inisherin
16:28 - a selection of my gay library
17:07 - the transformative moment for me
19:18 - did a large youtuber plagiarize my video?
20:53 - fig tree metaphor passage from the novel
21:35 - why i’m on youtube
22:42 - the sea is a great place to think about the future

➳ Tags:
#cinematicvlog #philosophy #youtubenewwave #videoessay

➳ Music Credit:
All music from https://www.epidemicsound.com/