Скачать или смотреть Personal log, stardate 2024.546: A dog cries

As I sat through several heart-wrenching minutes of listening to a dog cry—yes, cry—out loud, the resolution formed in my mind that it is time to say goodbye. The dog is not mine, but on behalf of the animal and the family I feel compelled to advocate for a quick and painless passing for the pet.

End of life has been a consistent theme this year. My father-in-law's mother, father and eldest brother all passed away in a span of a few months. My grandmother-in-law had some clarity of mind but little mobility. She could not take care of herself. The eldest brother died from a long-time battle with cancer. And my grandfather-in-law finally passed after living as mostly a hollow shell, devoid of meaningful human interactions due to mental deterioration.

My own father commented to me that he only has a few more years to travel. If I want to go anywhere with him, I'd better plan the trips soon. And my mother went to visit her mother in China, returning several months ahead of plan after she concluded she couldn't stay. I don't know how much of her decision was the now-foreign environment in Beijing and how much was the state of my grandma. But I do know that I made the right choice for myself five years ago to have traveled to China by myself to say goodbye to my grandma then, when she only barely had a recollection of who I was. Her condition has decidedly not improved since then.

Why do we prolong unnecessary suffering for the ones we love? And to the other loved ones around them? What do we expect or even want to happen? These are rhetorical questions. We all know death is inevitable. Fear is unnecessary. All we need to do is plan.

At what point will we have lived enough? When will we have fulfilled our duties and learned the meaning of contentment? I have a rough idea for myself, but now is not the time to expand on this topic. The dog is crying again because she walked herself into a corner and doesn't know how to back out, and I have to go help her out.

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