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Speaker: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Interviewer: Chelsea Clinton
Recorded: 92nd Street Y, New York

Every parent needs a set of tools, particularly when dealing with dysregulated children that can be overwhelming. Dr. Becky often talks about mantras and how helpful they can be. I think the most important part of this message is the idea that we need to ground ourselves in the situation.

First things first, all kids (and even people) have moments of overwhelm where they are not calm. As parents, we will often be responsible to deal with these moments of dysregulated chaos. It is so overwhelming at times. These moments require that we build some muscles. Number one, we need to be able to take a mental moment. Maybe you take a deep breath. Maybe you use a mantra like Dr. Becky suggests. Maybe your coping strategy is to try to find humor in the situation (I know I've done this one before during a public tantrum). Second, realize the true gravity of the situation. In most cases, nobody is actually in danger. You also probably know that your child will be okay again in just a few short minutes. You are okay. Your kid is okay. There is no emergency here. Finally, take a moment to realize that your child's dysregulation doesn't actually have the ability to dysregulate you. It may be hard to fight through the overwhelm and maybe even frustration, but there is no actual causation there. You can remain completely calm if you so choose.

This self awareness can be built in these moments. The next time you find yourself in a situation described here, try to start building those muscles and skills to better self-regulate and stay calm.

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