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yah hard pass on sentences like “This experience changed me forever” “I’m ready to tackle whatever challenges lie ahead” “This is why I’m who I am today”

my personal statement got me into all 8 ivy league schools and every school i applied to (all 17)… and I avoided these sentences like the plague.

WHY?!

as your college essay coach big sis who has coached over 200+ students like yourself personally, im telling you to avoid sentences like these because…

1) THEY COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY ANYONE.
they come across as cliche because they’re not specific enough. “experience” is vague. “lessons” is vague. you can avoid these kind of cliche sentences by making it specific to you. if i dropped any part of your essay on the ground at your school without your name on it, could your classmates and teachers pick it up and identify it’s you? or at least narrow down the scope of who could’ve written it? that’s the test your essay needs to pass!

2) YOU DON’T HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR WRITING.
You’re using these “in conclusion” ahh sentences because you worry that your growth isn’t obvious to us, or you want to spell out the lessons learned. if that’s the case, I would reevaluate if you are telling your story (the main chunk of the essay) in an effective way or not. If you still feel you have to spell out the conclusion for us, that probably means your story is not cuttin’ it. go back to the basics: show, don’t tell us what you learned.

remember, your readers are not idiots. college admissions officers are in it for the journey, not just the takeaway. if they just wanted the lessons you’ve learned, they’d ask for a one sentence answer, instead of 650 words. use the real estate of your personal statement to showcase personality, detail, story, emotion. if you put us in your shoes, we’ll implicitly understand the lessons you’ve learned; no need for vague cliche in conclusion sentences.

want to read the essay that got me into every single ivy league including yale, harvard, princeton, and more? It’s on my website! No gatekeeping here. follow for more tips/tricks on the application