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WASHINGTON, D.C. — A federal appellate judge delivered a heavy blow to the Trump administration today, issuing a stunning ruling that the Constitution of the United States is unconstitutional.

The ruling was issued by Judge Marsha Lanning of the D.C. Circuit, who stated that the founding document of the United States was in clear violation of the Constitution.

"Something being written in the Constitution does not magically make it constitutional," read Judge Lanning as she announced the decision. "All seven articles and twenty-seven amendments of the U.S. Constitution are hereby ruled unconstitutional. No elected official shall have any power mentioned in the Constitution. That's illegal."

The Trump administration attempted to argue that the Constitution is, in fact, what makes something constitutional, but to no avail. "I've heard enough," said Judge Lanning. "Your appeals to the law are felonious. There shall be no more arguing about what is or is not allowed by the Constitution. That sort of talk is unconstitutional."

At publishing time, Judge Lanning had issued a second ruling that voters duly electing a President was a violation of democracy.

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