My Mama Gave Me Away

I was six months old when I was given up for adoption. It was a rash decision made by my 20-year-old mother (she was weeks away from being 21). She was angry at my grandmother, who told her she had to leave but had to leave me behind. My birthmother was not cut out to be a mom. She knows this. And she never wanted to bring me home to begin with.

See, her boyfriend had found out that she had slept with his best friend first, and the baby could possibly be his friend's (turns out, unfortunately, it was...err, I was). Had she not ever told him, I would have had a mother and a father, but in all honestly, I have no idea what kind of parents either of them would have been. My guess is that my birthmother would have eventually left me with him and one day I would have found out that he wasn't my father. And from what I know, he wasn't the greatest of fathers, as his own son had stopped speaking to him many years prior.

He refused to give me a DNA test. And he had asked me to never contact his family. But one day he cut off all contact with me, and I had to go find his daughter to ask her for a DNA test. She also refused. But on Ancestry.com, I found his cousin to tell her I could be related to her, and she offered, without me even having to ask, to buy a DNA test from them to see if we were related. That's how I found out he wasn't my father. So I contacted them and informed them that they don't have to worry, I wasn't his daughter. And...well...he died. It was kind of messed up. And soon after, the awful woman he married (per both his and my birthmother's words) who was the reason he left my birthmother to begin with, also died. But at least he died knowing the truth. I wasn't too late.

So then I found my actual birthfather, through a lot of sleuthing and other family members on Ancestry.com and it turns out he's completely insane and a raging narcissist, so I cut off all contact from him and my sister (who I also found through Ancestry.com--who also was searching for her birthfather and my birthfather had gotten her mother, who was also 20 at the time, pregnant and signed his rights away to her---he didn't even know I existed, as he had skipped town before he knew she was pregnant).

So, my mother decided to give me up, since the "love of her life" had left her, but the moment I was born, my grandmother wanted to take me home. So she agreed. She tried for six months and in one angry instant in early December, took me to the adoption agency, and that night I was placed in foster care. I wasn't adopted for an entire year after that and I was placed in another foster home six months after the first.

I was then adopted into an abusive home with two alcoholic parents, with my mother being a narcissist on top of it. And the rest is history.

Check out my blog at www.HealingFromHer.com for more information.