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AITAH for Telling My Friend She Needs to Learn to Self-Soothe Instead of Calling Me at 3 A.M. Every Time She’s Upset? | The Friendship That Became a 24/7 Crisis Hotline

I’m 29F. My best friend “Mara” (28F) and I have been close since college. For the last two years, her mental-health struggles have escalated hard. She’s in therapy and on meds, which is great, but she still uses me as her emotional support human whenever things get bad.

What that actually looks like now:
2–6 phone calls a day, many after midnight, sometimes at 3 or 4 a.m.
90 % of them are the same loop: panic attack → “I’m dying / no one loves me / everything is ruined” → I talk her down for 30–90 minutes → she feels better → repeat 48 hours later.
If I don’t pick up immediately she spirals worse, blows up my phone, and once showed up at my apartment at 2 a.m. banging on the door.

I have a demanding job, my own anxiety, and I’m genuinely burning out. Last week after the fourth 3 a.m. call in five days, I finally said (gently, I thought):

“Mara, I love you and I’ll always be here for you, but these middle-of-the-night calls every time you’re dysregulated are destroying my sleep and my mental health. You have tools now — therapy, meds, grounding techniques. I think it’s time you start practicing self-soothing first and only call me if it’s a true emergency (like you’re actually going to harm yourself). Otherwise I’m going to have to let calls go to voicemail after 11 p.m.”

She hung up on me, then sent a flood of texts calling me cold, ableist, and a fake friend. Told our whole friend group I “abandoned her when she’s suicidal” and that I told her to “just get over it.” Now half the group is treating me like I kicked a puppy.

So Reddit, honest answers only:
AITAH for telling my friend she needs to learn to self-soothe instead of using me as her 3 a.m. emotional support animal every single night?
Or am I actually ableist and abandoning someone with mental illness in her darkest moments?

I still love her, but I can’t keep living like this.

Verdict + real talk in the comments — I’ll read every one.

🔔 Like if you believe supporting a friend doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental health indefinitely.
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#AITA #MentalHealth #SelfSoothe #Boundaries #EmotionalSupportBurnout #FriendshipCrisis #AmITheAsshole #3amCalls

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