5 Things NOT To Say When Your Spouse Is Leaving You

It’s very common- searching for exact words to say (and exact words not to say) in order to keep your spouse from leaving- or to win your spouse back. In fact, many things out there claim there is “one word,” or there is “one phrase” you can use to win your spouse back...

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Here’s the hard truth: there is no exact word or phrase. But here’s the good news: there are things you can do if you’re in this situation, there is hope!

We know the situation you are currently in is extremely difficult. Wherever you find yourself, you may want to focus on the fact that your spouse is gone, or is leaving. However, it's important to shift your focus to the “why.” Is your spouse feeling pulled out of the relationship by something else? Is there something pushing your spouse away from you, from the relationship?

Whatever it may be, here are five things you should avoid saying if your spouse is thinking about leaving (or has already left.)

First, avoid doing behaviors that actively “push” your spouse away. Crying, yelling, and begging are natural reactions when we feel like we’re losing someone we love. However, these are not the best reactions for the long term. Showing them the levels of our emotional pain doesn’t “guilt” them toward coming back. What can you do? Be strong, calm, and gentle. This is NOT easy, but is invaluable.

Second, don't threaten your spouse, or give ultimatums.

Third, don't make empty promises. Do not say “I’ve decided, all of the sudden, to make changes,” in order to keep them to stay. Rather consider these questions: Do you agree that you need to make these changes? Are these changes against your beliefs? Are you going to actually make the changes? Focus on long-term changes.

Fourth, do not bring up an emotional situation or what they’ve done in the past in order to change the current circumstances. It won’t work.

Fifth, do NOT (and do not hire someone to) snoop, track, or follow, your spouse. If you focus on what your spouse is doing/where your spouse is, you are focusing on the WRONG thing. What’s happening right now is not what led to him/her leaving, it’s what happened in the weeks, months, and years up to now.

We aren’t saying you are the one to blame. There are many reasons a person may want to leave a marriage. However, it’s wise to admit that no marriage is perfect and there is no “perfect spouse.” We are not perfect. We still correct our own wrongs. This is why it’s important to focus on what you can do to become a better person, husband, wife.

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If your spouse is leaving, or has left, and you don’t know what to do, we do. Here at Marriage Helper, this is the EXACT situation we see day to day. If you feel like there is no hope, there is, we KNOW! We’ve seen it thousands of times.

We have workshops, online courses, and coaching that can make lasting changes in your marriage.

- Workshops: https://marriagehelper.com/workshops/

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0:00 Introduction
0:03 5 THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS LEAVING
0:42 THERE ARE NO MAGIC WORDS
1:28 WHAT ARE THE UNDERLYING PROBLEMS?
1:38 ARE THEY BEING PULLED?
1:47 ARE THEY BEING PUSHED?
3:36 THESE BEHAVIORS PUSH THEM AWAY
4:49 STRONG, CALM AND GENTLE
5:32 PUSHES THEM AWAY FASTER
6:07 THINK, BEFORE YOU SPEAK
6:19 FOCUS ON THE LONG-TERM
6:37 1. PUSH 2. THREATEN OR GIVE ULTIMATUMS 3. MAKE EMPTY PROMISES
7:45 1. DO YOU AGREE WITH THE CHANGES? 2. ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO CHANGE?
8:10 SHOW THEM YOU ARE CHANGING
9:45 DON'T FOCUS ON THE WRONG THINGS
10:51 VIOLATION OF THEIR PRIVACY
11:10 MITIGATE ANY FURTHER DAMAGE
11:47 WE UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION