I wanna start this morning's podcast with a reminder of some of the things that I've talked about before as it relates to the mindset of those who seem to be the most successful at navigating through the challenges of life. The stormy seas of life, all of us face obstacles daily, whether it's anxiety, depression, feelings of isolation. And I was reading a study recently that that states that about 25% of Americans have no one, not one person they feel close enough to share a significant problem with. And isolation we're we're not we're not built to be isolated from other people. From my experience of of being a mental health therapist for so many years, what we truly desire as human beings and need is a feeling of deep connection, a feeling of oneness with at least another person, and hopefully more than that, having friends.
Right? Perhaps you've heard of the longevity studies, one of the longest running studies that have have ever been conducted, at Harvard, and basically states this in a nutshell, that those who live the longest and are the healthiest are surrounded by friends, meaning they have deep connections with other people. I and in this study, it also states that isolation, feeling isolated and not connected to other people is more detrimental to our health than, like, smoking cigarettes. Now that's mind boggling. And so so the then we ask the question, well, what do we do if we feel isolated?
And as I've thought about this, I I, you know, I've come to the conclusion, if you want a friend, you've gotta be a friend. You're instead of waiting for someone to come and reach out to you, you be the one to try to reach out to another person and to listen and to hear and understand another person. Be a friend to them so that they can feel heard and understood, and then they perhaps can be a friend to you. Now in this process, we've got to be very mindful and aware of those whom we pick and choose to be our friends, because there is this powerful, thing that happens between people, and it's called influence. So we influence others, others influence us, and so what I'm suggesting is to be very mindful and aware of the friends, those individuals you choose to connect with and want to have a deeper relationship with.
I would encourage you to, at at least, the best that you can, to look at their characteristics, their character traits to see if that will be a positive influence on you. If you are surrounding yourself with negative people, with negative influencers, then they drain energy from you. I I I love a statement. I remember reading from from Emily dick Dickinson who said, I felt it shelter to speak with you. I felt it shelter to speak with you.
Do you have anyone in your life that feels safe that you can talk to, that they're not gonna take the information that you give them about some of the deepest struggles of your soul and use them against you. I think that's what prevents most people from, from reaching out a little bit because they don't they don't have that confidence that they'll keep, you know, what you're talking about between you and truly be there as a friend to help bear your burdens and to lift your spirits, so to speak. But if you're struggling to feel connected to other people, I would suggest that you be the one to try to to reach out and be a friend to others instead of waiting for them to come to you and then kinda watch what happens. And in the process of being with another person, I would suggest and this is something we learn in the counseling field. It's very, very challenging to do.
You might think it's easy to do, but it's extremely challenging. It's something called listening. Listening with out jumping in and giving your solutions that, you know, this is what you should do in order to correct this to correct this problem. We'll do this. You should break up with this person.
You should, you know, and on and on and on according to your opinion. Just listen. Listening and creating a safe environment for someone to explore some of their options is the most powerful thing you can do. And and many of the things that I've heard from from others well, actually, let me back up a little bit. This this past week, I was asked to speak at a young women's conference.
And so there were 4 different sections that I spoke in 40 minutes apiece or about 25, young ladies in each of the, sections. And, anyway and there was question and answer periods that that I said, do you guys have any questions? You know? And and let them know what I did for as a as a career, and I was a mental health therapist. And one of the young young ladies says, is it ever difficult for you working with someone?
And I go, yeah. Pretty much every day. And she goes, well, why why is that? And I go, well, it's because I can't change another person. People come to me with their challenges and problems, and my the only thing I can do is create a safe environment to help them explore possibl...
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