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LOS SUEÑOS POLICE DEPARTMENT – AFTER-ACTION REPORT

LOS SUEÑOS POLICE DEPARTMENT
AFTER-ACTION / INCIDENT REPORT
OFFICERS: Officer Wolf, Officer Rubber Duck
UNIT: SWAT
STATUS: BODYCAMFOOTAGE REVIEW

Operation began with Officer Wolf delivering the opening briefing phrase, “Bring the ruckus, don’t let the bad guys fuck us.” While not found in the LSPD training manual, morale was immediately elevated.

MISSION 1: ENDS OF THE EARTH

Officer Rubber Duck temporarily disengaged from tactical operations to access system settings and enable vertical synchronization. During this administrative task, two armed suspects initiated a surprise ambush.

The entry door struck Officer Duck directly in the beak, resulting in immediate corrective action. Both suspects were neutralized—one confirmed armed with a shotgun, the other with an unidentified firearm that later ceased to exist for evidence purposes.

Officers advanced to the second-floor hallway where Officer Duck successfully completed activation of vertical sync, restoring visual stability to the operation.

MISSION 2: GREASED PALMS (LOS SUEÑOS POSTAL SERVICE)

Officers responded to a high-risk postal facility known to overwhelm full SWAT teams. This operation was conducted with a two-officer element and questionable optimism.

The mission was failed twice. Officer Duck was incapacitated on two separate occasions and extracted by Officer Wolf for medical treatment. Internal discussion confirmed the existence of a dedicated hospital “wing” for Officer Duck, with Room 4 unofficially reserved due to alphabet-related reasoning.

ADDITIONAL INCIDENTS

Throughout multiple missions, Officer Wolf experienced a series of accidental discharges (commonly referred to as desk pops). Estimated count: five to six. Each discharge resulted in elevated heart rates for Officer Duck.

Officer Wolf cited recent upgrades to his headphones, microphone, and mouse, noting increased sensitivity. Officer Duck suggested the rifle had been fitted with a performance trigger.

MISSION: VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

Objective was to arrest suspect Amos Vole. Officer Duck opted for an alternative enforcement philosophy:
"Shoot him in the face. Step one. Step two, shoot him in the face again. Repeat until satisfied."

Suspect Amos Vole was not arrested.

FINAL MISSION: HUNGER STRIKE

Mission completed with an A rating.
All primary objectives completed.
All soft objectives completed.
6/7 suspects secured.
7/7 civilians secured.
All evidence collected.
No officer fatalities.

CONCLUSION:
Despite excessive desk pops, door-related facial trauma, and aggressive suspect compliance procedures, the operation concluded successfully.

END OF REPORT
SUBMITTED TO: Los Sueños Police Department Command