Скачать или смотреть Letter of the Law: an Asmodeus Song

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Better the devil you know than the devil you don't, they say... might as well know the best of the worst! Within the layers of the Hells at the center of the nine-ring circus stands the master of ceremonies, the archest of the arch devils Asmodeus. Known the multiverse over as the master of devils, he'll be more than happy to tell you that he's really not that bad of a guy... everything he does is perfectly legal, after all!

-LYRICS-
I’d like to take the stage for just a moment
And implore you to allow me one song
I know there’s scores of you who cry for my atonement,
But I haven’t done a single thing that’s wrong
I’ve been hearing from the countless accusations
That I’m the lord of every evil, every sin
Well, to rebut these claims is a marvelous temptation…
I’ll tip my wrist, if you insist~ Let’s begin!

When you’re the manager of Hell, it’s Nessus-ary
To account for probabilities unknown
It’s a feat unto itself while you’re preparing
For the betrayal, that package deal, along the throne
Yes, I extend to those with lofty aspirations
An opportunity that comes with mighty cost
But with their signature on file, my calculations
Show that your argument’s the only thing that lost!

I’VE SHORED THE RECORDS, TOOK THE NAMES,
EVERY CONTRACT IS THE SAME!
LOGGED AND FILED, MADE TO ORDER!
FOR THE GREATER GOOD, I HOARD!
READ EVERY PARAGRAPH, YOU’LL NEVER FIND A FLAW
CUZ I WORK BY THE LETTER OF THE LAW!

And yes, the Upper Court has tested every statement
The prosecution couldn’t land a single blow
The endless circle that through which their poor debate went
Went up in flames with the defense I brought in tow
For all this paperwork, it proves that what I’m seizing
Is the property that I am fully owed
Whether it’s work, or gold, or souls, it’s always pleasing
To rub it in that my business is up to code!

I’VE SHORED THE RECORDS, TOOK THE NAMES,
EVERY CONTRACT IS THE SAME!
LOGGED AND FILED, MADE TO ORDER!
FOR THE GREATER GOOD, I HOARD!
READ EVERY PARAGRAPH, YOU’LL NEVER FIND A FLAW
CUZ I WORK BY THE LETTER OF THE LAW!
I’VE SHORED THE RECORDS, TOOK THE NAMES,
EVERY CONTRACT IS THE SAME!
LOGGED AND FILED, MADE TO ORDER!
FOR THE GREATER GOOD, I HOARD!
READ EVERY PARAGRAPH, YOU’LL NEVER FIND A FLAW
CUZ I WORK BY THE LETTER OF THE LAW!

I only ever take from that which I am given
Legal protection is the only guarantee
Don’t dare mistake me for those mindless, monstrous demons
I’m the kind to rule with some civility
And if I didn’t take the reins, these souls would perish -
Along with all of your existence - to their teeth
This war of mine protects the world in which you cherish,
You need Old Hoof and Horn to manage you beneath!

I’VE SHORED THE RECORDS, TOOK THE NAMES,
EVERY CONTRACT IS THE SAME!
LOGGED AND FILED, MADE TO ORDER!
FOR THE GREATER GOOD, I HOARD!
READ EVERY PARAGRAPH, YOU’LL NEVER FIND A FLAW
CUZ I WORK BY THE LETTER OF THE LAW!
I’VE SHORED THE RECORDS, TOOK THE NAMES,
EVERY CONTRACT IS THE SAME!
LOGGED AND FILED, MADE TO ORDER!
FOR THE GREATER GOOD, I HOARD!
READ EVERY PARAGRAPH, YOU’LL NEVER FIND A FLAW
CUZ I WORK BY THE LETTER OF THE LAW!

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Dungeons & Dragons is © Wizards of the Coast LLC.
Letter of the Law was originally composed, written, and performed by the Bard College of Citrus and released on March 7th, 2024 (posted on YouTube on June 13th, 2025).