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The Blokes Cook Book: A Guide to Culinary Catastrophe for the Lone Wolf Who Can't Be Arsed

By Owen Croft – Out Now! FREE until 9th Jan 2016

Visit OwenCroft.com for info

If you're a divorced, defeated, or just downright lazy bloke living solo in a draughty flat with only a goldfish called Who Knows for company, this is the cookbook you've been waiting for. No Michelin-star nonsense , no avocado roses, no "15-minute meals" that somehow take three hours. Just 25+ gloriously disastrous, zero-effort recipes designed for men who genuinely can't be arsed – plus bonus Greggs-inspired abominations for when even the microwave feels like hard labour.

From the legendary Beans on Toast (The Widowmaker's Delight) to the artery-clogging Crisp Butty, Greggs Pie Butty, and the soul-crushing Instant Noodles Ramen Rampage, Owen Croft serves up proper bloke grub with a side of savage Mancunian humour, existential dread, and zero apologies.

Expect:
• Recipes that take longer to read than to make
• Ingredients you already have (or can nick from the corner shop)
• Calorie counts that'll make your GP weep
• Twisted morals that hit harder than a cold sausage roll
• A full legal disclaimer because these dishes might actually kill you

Perfect for: Lads bingeing Peaky Blinders in stained joggers
Blokes whose culinary highlight is a perfect cheese toastie
Anyone who's ever stared at a congealing Pot Noodle and thought, "There must be a better way... nah, sod it"

Owen Croft – ex-plumber, twice-divorced, professional smoke-alarm tester – doesn't pretend this is healthy, gourmet, or even vaguely edible to normal humans. It's just honest food for honest disasters.

Grab your copy today and embrace the beautiful fuck-up that is cooking for one.

Because if Jamie can flog falafel, Owen can peddle peril. Available on Google Play / Apple / Wherever books haven't been banned yet

(Search: "The Blokes Cook Book Owen Croft")

Warning: May cause heartburn, existential crises, and an uncontrollable urge to order pizza halfway through.#BlokesCookBook #LoneWolfCooking #BeansOnToast #greggs #CulinaryCatastrophe #MancunianMisery #CookingForBlokes #ZeroEffortMeals #OwenCroft