Скачать или смотреть Keoni Koch 1st Professional Bout 1 7 07

January 7th 2007

I was a coward the majority of my childhood. I do not mean sort of a coward. I was the biggest coward in all the land. For fear of bullying and humiliation I socially withdrew leading me into a place of dark thoughts and representation. I was frustrated with my "uniqueness". My name "Keoni" did not fit my predominately Scandinavian features. My parents were not Christians but Baha'i meaning conversations about Christmas were not only awkward but a little depressing. I knew personally the validity of others religions but I felt most viewed it as a "cult". Even then I knew the irony but it didnt help when other children would ask me what I got for Christmas. Some years I would lie. Some years my parents bought me presents just to make me feel normal. We rarely had the money to justify those types of things.

Moving around my entire childhood and life likely has led to fractures in many important relationships and even possible relationships. As a child we moved constantly which led to an introversion of focus. We would settle into one spot as I entered into the 4-5 grades. I avoided going to certain parties because I had irrational fear of humiliation. It must be clearly stated that there was no real basis for me feeling the level of social anxiety that I did. But the fear controlled me. I loved playing sports. Football. Kickball. Basketball. I idolized sports figures as gods. I dreamed but never believed I could be anything like that. But I had a good time pretending.

When I was around 10 I conquered my fear of the dark. Around 14 I began to conquer my social anxiety and fear of people. But I still never would compete in a team setting. The thought of letting people down in the moment. Having all the eyes on me. I could not do it. I told myself heading into high school "You cant play sports now its too late.....They are all too good now you will look even worse....." The naysayer. The doubter. Railroaded by my own thoughts.

Enter the martial arts by way of Bruce Lee. Being that there were no sources of Jiu Jitsu and Kickboxing in my area I self studied and self trained beginning in 1994. I began training as a serious enthusiast and coach in 1998 and had to that time learned everything through library books, mail ordered VHS instructionals and eventually a budding superhighway called "The internet". I taught, coached and studied with anyone willing. It only recently dawned on me that the very first competition I ever entered in my entire life at this point was a professional bout. I had not truly officially competed in anything. My opponent had two UFC vets in his corner. In consideration of my cowardly beginnings I could have crumbled. Mentally stumbled. Dead calm. I had spent years of agonizing "Mental training" finding that place where there is no thought just action and reaction. At the time of this fight I was none to impressed with my performance. I won. I was happy. 12 years later the victory is more psychological. A humbling perspective piece on what someone can choose to be. The kid fighting in this video I can no longer identify with outside of my love for martial arts.

Life is a trip. Glad I am still on the path. Its also great to say I'm not a fighter. I never was. I never wanted that designation. I wanted the respect of my peers. I am not done earning it until they put me in the ground. The pursuit for me is not gold or accreditation. Ultimately the pursuit is that of a little boy who still seeks acceptance. In this one existence only the greatest of acceptance will do.