Welcome back to another highlight show!
In this episode, we continue our series of relationship tips and insights from some experts I’ve interviewed over the years. You will hear from Dr. Wendy Walsh about the top 3 qualities men and women seek (qualities that are based on deep-seated wiring, that we can’t ignore or reject), advice from Jillian Turecki on the right and wrong questions to ask while dating, why we can make bad decisions during the first two years of a relationship, why we downplay negatives and red flags, and what happens when we get too stuck on rationality. Got relationship problems? They likely stem from your own issues—your own personal life problems, self-esteem issues, etc.
You will also learn what 7 things destroy attraction and hear wonderful insights from Mia Moore, who highlights the adverse effects of becoming socialized to believe that relationships are mainly about hard work. Mia discusses how life experience, including both positive and negative aspects of past relationships, can frame one’s perspective and personal growth for future relationships. Another important part of relationship health? Parenting. If you have kids, don’t make the (common) worst mistake most parents make (putting kids before the priorities of nurturing a loving partnership)!
Mia mentions the “cheerleader” concept of relationship dynamics: Do you want a mature, authentic, dynamic adult relationship with conflict, frank discussion, negotiation-compromise-resolution, or do you just want a cheerleader to stand by and cheer you on?
According to Mia, you can have both—a cheerleader and an authentic partner, and you will also hear some great applicable tips for healthy communication—recognizing and avoiding passive-aggressive dynamics, the power of dismissive language, being aware of how you use “but” in the middle of a sentence, developing the ability to listen more and talk less, how to allow for healthy venting without going overboard, the importance of working on emotional control and sensitivity, and more!
TIMESTAMPS:
What are the qualities we are looking for in a partner based on our biological wiring [00:46]
It is important to be authentic. [05:16]
What should you talk about when first dating? [06:25]
People that look good on paper, might not be a good match. [07:44]
The chemical attraction is there, but sometimes we make bad decisions. [10:59]
Don’t downplay red flags that you may notice. [13:15]
Be comfortable around each other. You don’t have to dress up or put on an act. [14:09]
There are seven things that destroy relationships. One is stress. [15:31]
Master your inner voice, and you master your life. [16:17]
Are relationships really such hard work? [19:58]
There are helicopter parents and lawnmower parents. How does that effect your relationship? [23:32]
Do opposites attract or is a better match with someone who is more aligned with your behaviors and values? [27:06]
As we get older, we get set in our ways. [29:58]
Say something once and have the expectation that your message will stick. [30:50]
Do you say “whatever?” Using “but” in the middle of a sentence usually negates what you said before. [31:47]
Resolve to listen more and talk less. No one learns anything by talking. (Confucius) [36:10]
Think about what kind of partner you want? [41:06]
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