Diary Entry #1.2 | Yungay, Revisited | August 17th, 2023

(The one where she inwardly snapped)

I knew it when our eyes met from across the room
When you walked to me and said I missed you
Have you?
Silent eye roll

You should have known that when you left me
In the middle of the park
While I naively thought you'd call the next day
I should've known in my bones it was too good to be true
And music does not excuse

Did the potential taunt you?
Regret the choice I outgrew?

Because we could've stayed in
Naked in bed
Making music up untill dawn
But I'm never good enough
Not worth the wait
Not in my worst times nor the better ones
So I just stay in bed by myself
So I just stay strumming my strings in bed
Reading all of those books you would hate
All the books you would hate

I knew it when you asked me to come fly with you
When back in the day I asked and you refused
Louder drum roll

I should've known that when you left me
In the middle of the park
Because I didn't want to stay with you for the night
I told you I'm not "a night" but a "hopefully for the rest of my life"

Did the potential haunt you?
And tainted what you thought true?

Because we could've stayed in
Naked in bed
Playing to the songs we love
But I'm never good enough
Not worth the wait
Not in my worst times nor the better ones
So I just stay in bed by myself
So I just stay strumming my strings in bed
Reading all of those books you would hate
All the books you would hate
I know you'd hate me for it
But, boy, you missed me then

Does the potential haunt you?
Regret your choice I outgrew?


#IToldYouThisWouldn'tEndWell

Typical: chubby girl loses a tiny bit of weight and her life descends into Dickensian hell with all the ghosts from heartbreaks pasts coming back to haunt her peace- sigh.

Anyways.

Perdí mi voz de nuevo, cuek! (te dije que pasaría ¿sí o no?), pero fue por alergia esta vez. No sé si se nota pero se me va la voz de repente, así que intenté amortiguar el sonido un poco, pero igual me carga.

Es un tema porque de por sí no me gusta mi voz, pero cuando no puedo controlarla es como si alguien o algo que no soy yo me estuviera atando de mis costuras, pero hace que me desborde aún más porque sólo yo sé de qué hilo tirar pero, estando amarrada, la impotencia lo empeora. No sé si tiene sentido, la verdad, pero yo me entiendo y con eso me basta... después de todo, aunque lo esté haciendo """público""", este sigue siendo mi diario.

Espero que no te dé tanto cringe, y si es que sí, espero que al menos sea para bien y te haga reir :)