Cartman Milks a Dog Using the Red Rocket Method - SOUTH PARK

Cartman interrupts the reverie of Stan and Kyle's destruction of Jennifer Lopez to show them how to milk a dog.
"Proper Condom Use" S05

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#SouthPark #SouthParkS05

EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
We see a somewhat burnt Jennifer Lopez sitting in a somewhat charred car.
STAN
SO! WE MEET AGAIN, JENNIFER LOPEZ!!!
Kyle and Stan's heads lower into frame, showing that it was just a toy Jennifer Lopez and car.
KYLE
No, no, PLEASE! This time I SWEAR I'll won't make any more albums or movies!!!
STAN
That's what you said last time! But obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures...
Stan holds up a magnifying glass and after a few seconds, Jennifer Lopez' head starts to smoke.
KYLE
OH GOD IT BURNS!!! IT BUR-HURNS!!!
STAN
SCREAM FOR ME, BITCH!
KYLE
AAAAGHHH!!
Lopez' head melts.
STAN AND KYLE
Woa, awesome!
Cartman comes running in, out of breath.
CARTMAN
You guys! You guys! Come here! You gotta check this out!
STAN
Oh no, what now?
CARTMAN
No, you guys, this is REALLY cool. Come on!
The boys follow Cartman out of frame.
EXT. KENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
Kenny is keeping a dog by his side by holding his arm around it. Cartman walks up with Stan and Kyle.
KYLE
What's this all about Kenny?
KENNY
Mrph rmphm rmhp rmh!!!
CARTMAN
Watch this! It's so funny! Come here, Garland. Come on!
The dog walks over to Cartman. Cartman reaches under the dog and starts to jack it's little wee-wee.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Huh-huh... Huh-huh...
After a few seconds, the dog rolls over on its back and starts to moan as Cartman jacks it.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Good dog! Red Rocket! Red rocket!
Stan and Kyle look at each other and then at Kenny. Kenny claps his hands with excitement. Cartman continues to jack the dog.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Red rocket! Red rocket! Huh-huh!
STAN
Cartman what the hell are you doing?
CARTMAN
I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.
KYLE
No they don't!
KENNY
(Yeah they do!)
CARTMAN
Yeah, just hold on a minute, the fifth graders showed us how to do it. RED ROCKET! COME ON, DOG! RED ROCKET! Oh-HOH!!!!
Finally, the dog howls in ecstasy, and a very teeny amount of white drops shoot in the air.
STAN
Woa, cool!
KYLE
That's awesome!
CARTMAN
I told you guys!
STAN
I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
CARTMAN
Dumb ass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours. It doesn't work if you Beat Off a dog again right away.
KYLE
'Beat off'?
CARTMAN
That's what it's called when you milk a dog. Beating it off. Don't you guys know anything?
STAN
Wow, you learned all this from the fifth graders?
CARTMAN
Yeah, I guess that they thought we were cool so they showed us how to do it.
Another dog walks into frame.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Hey! Come here, dog! Dog, come here!