Grandma's Favourite

I still don't know how to deal with her death.
What am I supposed to do or feel?
There are times when I get emotional when I think about her but most of the time I feel normal?
Maybe it's because I did mentally prepare myself as she deteriorated.
I knew that her end was nearing so is that why I don't feel as sad I should?
Honestly, I don't know what to feel.

I'm worried that everything is being pent up. That's why I had that anxiety attack recently.

My throat felt dry for more than a week so I thought it was one of "the symptoms". I went to the clinic and the doctor gave my antibiotics. A few days later, I begun to have trouble breathing so I went straight to the hospital at 3 am and it turned out to be an anxiety attack so the doctor gave me Xanax pills and advised me to see a psychiatrist if things get worst.

I don't know if I'm feeling this way because of working on the video or because of the lockdown. I have been home for more than a month now, maybe that's eating me up. Or maybe working on this video just gave me mixed emotions?
Either way, I'm still struggling to breathe but I know that it's all in my head because it goes away when I sleep. I just need to find ways to relax when I'm awake.

Twitter:   / joshieesworld  

Music:
Intro & Outro:
Piano 40 by Kouichi Morita (Maoudamashii)
https://maoudamashii.jokersounds.com/

Main BGM:
桜の記憶 by すもち
https://dova-s.jp/bgm/play12501.html

https://dova-s.jp/_contents/author/pr...

Other Music:
ぽよよ～ん体操 by 田中芳典
https://dova-s.jp/bgm/play12601.html

https://dova-s.jp/_contents/author/pr...