My Wife Talks Bad About Me | Paul Friedman

Does your wife talks badly about you? That's not a good thing. It's a bad thing and you know it.
Watch Paul tells you what you can do if you're experiencing this issue on your marriage.

Let's look at it from a little bit of a different point of view. Let's pull ourselves out of it. Let's not be the one who's being attacked instead let's try and gain some objectivity so we can come up with a solution that works so that you're not just complaining but you're healing things so that it
stops. It's no good. Who wants to be having the person whom you love being speaking badly about you? That doesn't work for anybody and she may not even realize just how much it's affecting you. It could be all kinds of things.

We don't comment marriage from a psychological point of view. I can list all the things that she could be identified as having -- it's not going to help. You don't want to identify the flaw. It's enough to say the flaw is that she's talking bad about you but let's really take a look at your
marriage. Besides that you can't tell me that everything else is great that you're having a wonderful marriage because that one thing is a huge indicator and the responsibility for having a good marriage although it falls on both of your shoulders. You are the one who's coming to us
and saying, "What can I do?" So, I'm not going to include your wife in the solution.

I'm going to give you the ability to heal it all and think about it this way. Imagine that your marriage which is alive is being pulled along by both of you. But right now if your wife is doing that she's not doing any pulling. Chances are you're not either. Chances are you got married the way everyone gets married these days and thinks you just get married and then everything is supposed to somehow magically work out. But there are two of you, aren't there? There's two of you.

Imagine a wagon being pulled by two horses and you're both just sort of pulling along, and then one horse starts taking some initiative and starts pulling a little bit more. That wagon let's call it your marriage is going to start moving in the right direction based on the lead that you as an
individual is taking. So in other words, you as an individual can really impact the marriage in a positive way. You can also impact it in a negative way and some people do that and your wife is probably doing that right now by talking bad about you but you could change that by being positive, by being proactive. You can't just start being positive that's not going to do anything
but you could be proactively positive and start impacting how she sees the marriage and then she just may start pulling with you.

What does that mean to be proactive, positively proactive in your marriage?

For that, we have to go back to before you got married. Go back to how you behaved when you were the suitor. You were so nice, proactively nice. You made sure that she felt special, unique,
loved. You convinced her with your behavior not just that you were the man for her but that you would love her for the rest of her life. Hold her up. Are you doing that still? No. When was the last time you brought her flowers? When was the last time you complimented her? When was the last time you sneered at her or gave her a bad look, or ignored her or didn't want to talk to her, or didn't respond to her when she wanted something?

We are in control of ourselves and we always have a binary choice. We can either do something that's going to benefit ourselves and others or we're going to do something that's going to negate all of the past good. It'll be detrimental -- that's it. Beneficial or detrimental so in order to be a positive influence into your marriage you choose to proactively get involved in your marriage again doing only beneficial and not doing intentionally avoiding just like when you were dating. Intentionally avoiding anything that could be construed as negative. Now that is simplistic, isn't it? Honestly, it's also realistic. Unfortunately, it's also like the ten commandments.
Everyone knows them pretty much. We know the difference between right and wrong but we are tempted to do things that are not beneficial.

For that reason, the first part of the men's course that we have at The Marriage Foundation
is all about learning how to control your mind. Because until you're doing that, until you're breaking the bad habits and installing new positive habits you're not going to go anywhere. The momentum is just going to carry you in the same direction you have been going which does not do the trick. What I'm talking about requires a lot of effort. And so many people go, "It ain't worth it."

Watch the video for more.

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