the feeling friday afternoon when you beg "this weekend i'll be different." "i'll change"

i have this song saved on my desktop as 'knuckles.' she is a croon-ey little original about procrastination and self hatred, some themes i am very comfortable in. overall this recording is too rushed for my pleasure, but it's the best version of this song i have so here it is. i can't seem to find any music out there that i want to sing right now that isn't my own music, and even that isn't coming in anything but shameful bursts of self-indulgence. i kinda wanna write.. but not songs...
anyways, basically: this song is about me prostrate on the floor to the *god of never-being-enough. i want to be better! i swear! why am i never better?, i scream at the wall. really good place to feel this is when the sun is about to set. horrid. i hate 5pm. i wrote this song at 5pm, i recorded it on 5pm and im uploading it around the same time too. it's always when the stress hits enough to lead into action, but the action is usually some sort of sad, self-deprecating art, not the tasks that are tearing me apart. sorry i blew out my mic out like that.
love,
dani

(iwish i coudl sing runs.! i hear them in my head and can't execute)
Answer is meant to be capitalized
the only gods i believe are those that hate me.
what omniscient being could love me?
please don't try to convert me in the comments this is art not belief