Baby Separation Anxiety: How to Help Your Little One Overcome It - What to Expect

No more out of sight, out of mind. When you're out of her sight, you're still very much on her mind, which means she can miss you. Cue the anxiety.

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Transcript:

Remember when your baby never left your side because she couldn't? Clearly, those days are over or at least seriously numbered. Not only can she leave your side (or will soon be able to), she won't think twice before wriggling out of your arms and across the floor as fast as her hands and knees or scooting butt or cruising feet will take her.
So why is your bold little adventure seeker suddenly melting into a sobbing mound of baby jello, sticking to your leg or neck like human cling wrap the moment you try to leave his side, no matter who you're leaving him behind with, a beloved babysitter, a familiar daycare teacher, a doting grandparent, or even if you're just leaving him at bedtime, safe and secure in his own crib?
Because your little one is growing up. What seems like regression — after all, he was never bothered by your comings and goings before — is actually a sign of maturity. He's venturing off to explore the world, but on his own terms. As he practices the skills he'll ultimately need to become more independent, your baby takes comfort knowing you're just steps away. You take off, he takes note. Goodbye mommy or daddy, hello separation anxiety.
And there's still more to the separation anxiety story. After months of peekaboo, your little one has finally grasped the complex, for a baby, concept of object permanence; when someone or something isn't visible, it still exists.
No more out of sight, out of mind. When you're out of her sight, you're still very much on her mind, which means she can miss you, even if you've just left her in the play yard for five minutes, so you can put away the groceries. Cue the anxiety.
Baby also has no idea when or if you're coming back. Cue more anxiety. And because of his improving memory, he recalls the last time you grabbed the car keys and said, bye bye, and he didn't like it. Cue even more anxiety.
He'll cling to you with superhuman baby strength. He'll cry and scream inconsolably, and resist all attempts to be distracted. He'll try every trick in the book to keep you from walking out the door. Cue your anxiety and guilt.
These bouts of separation anxiety may happen every day when you leave for work or every night when you put your baby to bed, but inevitably, they happen and they're nothing to worry about. Some babies experience separation anxiety earlier, some later, some just a little, some a lot. For some, it's outgrown in no time. For others, clinging continues through the preschool years.
Just remember, your baby's separation anxiety doesn't mean she's insecure or stressed out about her attachment to you and it definitely doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It's just older baby business as usual.
To ease separations, whether they come at day, at night, when you leave for work, or when you leave at bedtime, allow for calm, gradual transitions. Don't rush out the door. Give your little one a chance to get settled with the sitter or sit for a moment, as he joins the fun at daycare, and definitely don't sneak out. Build in comforting consistency and reassuring routine, whether it's the bedtime ritual that never varies or the goodbye phrase you never stray from, like “See you later, alligator! After a while, crocodile!” Or the kiss that's always blown, and that he will soon be able to blow back.
Leave with empathy and understanding, but also with a confident smile. If you're stressed about leaving your baby, she'll be extra stressed about being left. Make goodbyes short and sweet, not long and dramatic. She can't fully make the transition until you've left the building or the room.
In time, with patience, she'll realize that when you leave, you always come back. Your absence may still make baby's heart grow fonder, but maybe it won't make her wails grow louder. Here's to easier separations.