On Relationships and Dating

I do not subscribe to any type of 'war' between black men and black women.

As far as dating and relationships go, it's hard out here for everybody; however, similar to the concept of 'black on black crime,' there is a racial element injected into BM/BW dating scenarios that we do not see anywhere else.

What I mean by that is, marriage rates as a whole in this country are down, divorce rates are up, and people of all races are waiting later to get married. You also have a whole media genre (romantic comedy ie 'rom com') built around dating and relationship woes, and it's very common to see certain concepts in movies and shows about dating: for example, women are nags, women only like jocks or rich guys, or 'it's hard to find a good man/good relationship.'

Shows/movies like 'Sex and the City,' '10 Things I Hate About You,' and 'She's All That' are built entirely around some of these concepts without any interjection of race; yet we see black people fling racialized versions of these same stereotypes/concepts at one another, stating 'All BLACK women want jocks/rich men;' 'All BLACK women are nags;' 'It's hard to find a good BLACK man.'

A lot of Black people are suffering from internalized racism so they buy into and perpetuate stereotypes and self hate introduced to them by a white supremacist media. You also have Black people that want to date each other but are so invested in these stereotypes and concepts that have been fed to them that they believe in that more than actual reality, and they create this idea in their mind that it's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to date another Black person or that switching to another race is somehow 'the answer.'

But people are people and dating is dating. There is no magic pill to make dating work, especially not dating interracially, because ALL relationships require work to overcome problems like nagging, attitudes, getting on each others nerves, and trust.

If you aren't finding what you want out there, you have two options:

1. Expand your circle. Look for people in different places; stop doing the same thing and expecting different results (ie stop going out to the club, meeting club girls, then getting upset when they want to club. Stop meeting snapchat guys then getting surprised when all they want is to have sex).

2. Work on yourself. If you have expanded your circle and things still aren't working out, look within. Work on yourself so that you are the best person you can be when and if 'The One' comes along.

Don't be desperate to find someone or being overly concerned about being companionless; it is perfectly fine to be companionless until you find what you want. Meet people and let relationships happen organically. If you know you want to date a black man/woman, only date Black people. Don't have it in the back of your head that the relationship probably won't work out or that you will switch to other races, because then you will find yourself using those excuses as an exit strategy when things get difficult or as a way to settle for something you really don't want. (For example, switching to white people because you 'can't find' a Black person is a cop out; there are MILLIONS of Black people in the world and you can't have literally dated every single one).

Dating is hard. And Black people suffer from additional issues with internalized racism that make us hate each another. But we have been tricked and brainwashed into believing something that's simply not true; there ARE good Black men out there, there ARE good Black women out there, and if you want to date a Black man or a Black women, get out there and DATE! If all you're seeing is negativity towards Black women from BM and vice versa, cut that crap out of your life. Expand your dating pool, work on yourself, and don't settle. It will happen.

Thanks for watching.

For the audio only:   / so-about-that-kenya-moore-interview-on-rel...  

Links:

'Marriage in Black America:'
http://blackdemographics.com/househol...

'Four Myths About Black Marriage:'
http://racerelations.about.com/od/div...

'Myth-Busting the Black Marriage 'Crisis:'
http://www.theroot.com/articles/cultu...

'The Decline Of U.S. Marriage Rates Explained In One Incredible Gif:'
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5915648

'Marriage Rates Are Falling, And For Some Faster Than Others:'
http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitc...

'Record Share of Americans Have Never Married:'
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/0...

'Census: Marriage rate at 93-year low, even including same-sex couples:'
http://m.washingtonexaminer.com/censu...