Скачать или смотреть (Melbourne Spoken Word) Randall Stephens "Knuckle Loved"

Filmed at Slamalamadingdong Poetry Slam, Melbourne, in mid-2012. (poem text follows below). Find more of Randall's poetry at: http://www.randallstephenspoetry.com

KNUCKLE LOVED

I made it hard on myself
with less than amazing grace
I have raged bleeding off pages
head-cased on over a hundred stages
in front of complete strangers

scaring the shit out of them
then having to hand it back
in a stinking-stupid balancing act
apologising to the emotionally comatose
living TV highlight life supported
on a bland diet of early nights

I have conquered entire words
swallowing my smile back
fulcruming back my foolhardy
into muscle and more muscle

done push-ups on the sun up
sweated the lead out
cracked ribs while laughing
and made midnight wince
at seeing me again

I fucked the holes in my story

ate her out with knuckle loved hunger
glared obnoxious at every curved part
that bodily separated us
from our true stories

wanted her so bad
that it was... bad
punched that pain of that
into myself
tried using the bruise
to feel like maybe somehow
(oww) we really connected

died of embarrassment
to see if suicide is painless
or just
another of life's creative processes
bargained believing in no pain no gain
no matter how often
I was subsequently short-changed

I have paid my dues into black
then demanded some bloody payback
when it was my shout
voiced stereo to eleven
screaming god-fucken-dammit
right into the heart of heaven

read every religious book
back to itself like a lullaby
believing
I had shed myself of every belief

in spirited arguments
with alcoholic ghosts
broke the light bulb in my brain
while beating my head
against every wall I could find
out there to blame

to get this gravel in my voice
I travelled the world and girrrrl

I made it hard on myself
kept it up to die trying
bell tolled with a taken cake
but I'm telling it straight

screwed the pooch
in a glass house
blew my chances
given a toss
gambled and lost
then went slept it off
shit where I've eaten
to then eat shit
had to cut the crap
boat rocked
judgement snapped
but in all that

I have never ever done anything
anything that could stop me thinking


about you."


-copyright Randall Stephens poetry 2011.