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Stevenese, or mispronouncing translations, is created by taking an English word or phrase and translating it into, usually, an unusual language, then mispronouncing the given translation back into English, giving rise to weird and wonderful new phrases. Some are intense, some are bizarre, some are profound, some are whimsical and some are even hallucinatory, others are downright silly and nonsensical. Uniquely, Stevenese brings together words that would never, normally, have met each other, producing the unintentional and the unimaginable.
All italicised words in this book are genuine Stevenese and have not been exaggerated, including the title of this book:
‘THE BOOK OF MISPRONOUNCED TRANSLATIONS’

With the stubbornness of scabies and a jazz workout at an English tea party, they form a paradigm of love lingo. Cocktails are given to various Satans, or was it just me, preferably dreaming of practical sentences? I don’t want the gummy calves to leave, dancing in the ravine and saying hallo to everybody. They are pestering idiots, and the itchy penis of the live mouse is in Chicago, but just don’t keep practising you know what in public. Uniquely, scooters are made of wood, and the dead will encourage each other to remove their ghostly and unwanted hair.
I cannot do the Hitler slime dance, now a holy opera, as egg coaching leaves stains on the uneducated:
‘THE SMALL PLATE WITH THE WRONG BACON’
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