My backstory for context:
My mom was Russian, and was born in Moscow. I was born in Moscow in 85’ and my brother was born the following year in 86’. Our mom was mentally ill from an early age. She gave birth to my brother and I, and used us as bargaining chips and pawns to squeeze money out of her parents as well as my father. She wanted to play victim to have people feel sorry for her, so that she wouldn’t have to work or do much of anything else, and wanted herself to be taken care of by her parents, despite resenting them. It was all about appearances for her; she wanted to have the “appearance and the image” of a perfect mother, without anyone knowing what was going on behind closed doors.. When the revolution was happening in Moscow around 92-93, my mother tried to kill me (I was 6 years old at the time), by attempting to throw me out of a window of an apartment building in Moscow, but didn't follow through.
That same year, my grandparents along with my mother, forged documents to get us out of Russia and fled to America. When we arrived in the USA, my brother and I had to live in atrocious conditions in complete poverty, with a mother who physically tortured and abused us until we reached our teen years. In all of that time, I was not even allowed to ask about my father, or the consequences were severe; beatings, psychological torture, and torment. Things got to the point that that Child Services (CPS) were visiting our apartment. But of-course, we never told them that we were being abused despite all of the bruises and constant marks and cuts on our bodies, because we were too afraid our mother would kill us. CPS failed to do their job to take us out of the home, and the abuse continued until I joined the army and left to start my own life.
My grandparents of course, couldn’t do anything about the situation, and simply turned a blind eye. They didn’t speak any English, and looked the other way while knowing what was happening to my brother and I. We grew up, and I joined the army to escape the hell I was living in at home. My brother and I dealt with periods of homelessness and other unimaginable, unspeakable, horrendous conditions at the hands of our mother. Upon meeting my dad and reconnecting with him in Russia two years ago, I had high hopes; as I thought about him most of my life but never had a chance to find out who he was, not even his name. Every time I would ask my mom about him, she would beat me, tie me up, torture me, and all kinds of other horrendous things…
Upon meeting my father however, I was sorely disappointed, because he was just as brutal as her. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive, narcissistic, and egotistical. Even though he was financially secure (managed to build a decent life for himself), he blamed me and my brother for being born and ruining his life, and told me that his grief was worse than ours ..
After losing us, he ended up marrying another woman and had another son, who is now around 22 years old (the youngest of the three boys). His other son wants nothing with him either now. My half brother in Russia, (who I did not even know existed up until I came to Russia two years ago), had a more privileged life, however, due to my fathers finances. He was supported financially by my fathers money, and was never deprived of anything materialistically, except for his father’s love and respect. I recently ended the relationship with my father, as I couldn’t continue to endure the psychological and physical abuse that my mother had perpetrated on me, only to end up repeating the same from him. My half brother (my fathers third son from a different mother), has since fled Russia to Israel to avoid the mobilization, living off of my father’s money, while my biological brother and I struggled severely, and barely scraped by most of our lives.. I’m now in a much better place financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally, have a family of my own, and the father to a beautiful six-year-old daughter myself, but I still struggle with the demons of the past to this day.
Unfortunately, the relationship with my dad was not salvageable… I tried for two years, and it ended up doing more harm than good for my mental health and sanity. I have since ceased all contact with him.
Thanks for reading and watching the video.
-Edward
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✅ How Traveling To MOSCOW RUSSIA Changed My AMERICAN Life | MY STORY | Моя История Part 1 🇷🇺
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