Скачать или смотреть Aida on dealing with jealous in consensual non-monogamy

Do you feel jealous in your poly relationship?
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Aida: Because not just as a polyamorous person but as a person that is an education and a speaker on those topics [laughing]

Interviewer: [Laughing]

Aida: There can, I think, be pressure to be the perfect polyamorous person all the time.

Interviewer: No jealousy...

Aida: No jealousy. Everything is great, I have no problems, no traumas, no hard boundaries, and that’s super not true [laughing]. I do struggle with jealousy at times, but the way that I frame it is something to dig deeper into. For me, jealousy is a symptom for something underlying, so looking at what I’m not getting in my relationship, what I’m afraid of, what I’m angry about, and then addressing that, which can be very scary and vulnerable. I have grown into appreciating vulnerability, but that was not inherent in me. Having to learn to be vulnerable, learning to be O.K. with being vulnerable [laughing], it’s a lesson that sometimes I have to relearn every so often, because it also relates to feeling safe with people. In the world, in the current state of affairs that we are in, feeling safe is not always easy.

Yeah, so for me jealousy is a symptom of some underlying issue. Definitely experience it not always [sic], and sometimes it’s one of those, “oh it’s weird that it’s not weird and it’s not happening”. What I try to do is have as open communication as possible and having multiple sources of support where I can bounce ideas off of people and not just have one perspective on an issue.

For me, polyamory is a lifelong thing. My parents were like, “This is probably a phase!” I’m like, “Well, that phase has lasted very long. Maybe I’ll change my mind later but not for now!” For me, it’s really beautiful particularly in being able to build a chosen family that is deeply intertwined, deeply queer [laughing], deeply trans, and it’s really beautiful. I just feel so overjoyed at being able to build that community and have the lines of love and sexuality and connection and intimacy be so fluid. And where we can negotiate that, we don’t have to follow a script. Especially for someone who’s family is all in Puerto Rico, and I can’t see them very often, having family here and having people that I know I can trust is really important. Being able to navigate those relationships and build that community – which you can build if you’re monogamous, certainly – but this is building in a different way that feels authentic. I’m really happy that I get to do that, and I want that option for more people. Not that everyone has to choose it, but this kind of joy and support and connection, I wish more people had access to it. I know that these kinds of relationships can also explode, implode, be super difficult, but then again that’s how relationships and humans are. It’s messy, humans are messy.

Interviewer: Yeah, it’s the truth.