3 Strengths of the Spice of Lifer [Fearful Avoidance]

Do you deeply yearn for love, only to feel desperately fearful of being abandoned or rejected?

Do you sabotage your relationships, switching from hot to cold, before it can even get off the ground?

If so, you are going to want to watch this video. Because I am going to explore 3 strengths and weaknesses of individuals with disorganized attachment--sometimes called “fearful avoidance”... and what I call, “Spice of Lifers.”

If you are a Spice of Lifer, you are probably capable of great empathy and great emotional depths, but are also overwhelmed by them. This overwhelm makes it difficult to sort through and comfortably organize your feelings and inner states.

As a result, you’re probably sick of people telling you you’re “too intense,” as it leaves you with a terrible sense of loneliness and isolation.

You don’t want to burden other people with your problems, but you are also in need of connection, and you feel this very keenly.

This sometimes leaves you feeling confused about what your true needs really are.

At the same time, you have a tendency towards black and white thinking, which means you have a tendency towards becoming a polarizing provocateur in a community.

For example, like the Rolling Stone, you may be a great defender of the underdog, and those you feel are essentially good and loving. Or, you might admire the anti-hero, who is a criminal with a heart of gold. Either way, you are a fierce adversary to those you feel are bad and undeserving, and spare no rod in punishing them.

It is hard for individuals to live up to such an unambiguous standard of perfection, and so you may find yourself feeling left out in group settings or social situations.

This may leave you with a hungry desire to belong and feel seen, but never feeling as if you quite fit anywhere.

It's important to realize that this hard line and critical voice you carry, you turn most frequently in on yourself, and this makes it hard for you to see and accept the gray areas in others, as well.

And so, in focusing on the strengths of the spice of lifers, today, I hope to offer a positive and compassionate reframe for what struggles you may face in love.

So make sure you check out this video!

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