How Parents End Up With A 35 Year Old Kid In Their Basement By Licensed Psychologist Dr Randy Cale

How Parents End Up With A 35 Year Old Kid In Their Basement By Licensed Psychologist Dr Randy Cale

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Solution, solution, solution for the weed model. How do you not end up with your 35 year old in the basement? Well, of course, you've got to reverse everything we just talked about. just have to make sure that you do everything you can to let your kids experience struggle, experience difficulty, experience things that are painful and perhaps stretch them and let them know they'll figure it out. They'll get through it.

course you're going to be there for them you just don't have to then solve every problem you don't have to protect them from problems you want them to take on tasks that stress them a bit even if they don't want to even if they think they're not ready because the reality is we learn through experience we don't learn through words speaking of which that means you got to stop talking so much many of you are talking talking talking constantly trying to solve problems constantly coaching them

constantly sort of giving advice, which while the intention is a good one, it undermines their self -esteem and confidence. Why? Because there's this constant message that somebody knows better than I do about my life. And the reality is we all have to learn through experience those important psychological, emotional, sort of belief -based lessons. So stop talking so much, stop doing so much.

give them responsibilities, let them mess it up, let there be consequences when they make mistakes. And for heaven's sakes, don't tell them they can sing when they can't sing. Don't tell them they're amazing at everything. Let them experience what they're good at. And again, be supportive, be loving, but don't include the hyperbole that creates this big ego.

And finally, let them work for some stuff. They want a new phone? Let them have some skin in the game. They'll be much more careful. They want new clothes? Let them rake the yard, mow the yard, paint the basement room, help out around the house. Make sure that they have chores and responsibilities. Every bit of data would argue this is gonna be good for your kids, good for your family. Do I want to see your son living in your basement or your daughter living in the...

35 of course not That's why I did this silly series of videos because I like it to be sort of a wake -up call to some folks that why You got to do this differently stop doing everything stop talking so much stop trying to fix everything Stop presuming that your kids are incapable and weak and you have to do it for them instead presume competence and then what that need your decision -making

Now, if you've been in a situation where for years you've been feeding into that, yeah, they aren't gonna be happy when you change your business model, so to speak, the business of parenting. But that's okay, let them be unhappy. They'll figure it out. You've just gotta figure out how to consistently stay on track with nurturing strength, which comes through experience, a sense of competence.

which also comes through experience, a sense of independence which comes through experience. You're getting a handle on this, right? It's really making sure they have the experiences that allow for growth, that allow for learning, and life will then begin to flow. I have lots of articles on my website around these core issues and how to nurture healthy, strong, independent, capable children and young adults.

I encourage you to check it out at drrandycale.com. But if you'd like to consult with me and you've got some questions, feel free to reach out to my assistant instead of a time. Most of my practice now is devoted to neurofeedback and helping clients with neurofeedback. Children, adults with ADD, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, anxiety, depression, sleep issues.
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