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Verse 1
Amazon says “arriving today”
That’s what it said on December eighth
Now it’s Christmas Eve, I’m outta luck
Tracking page just says “good luck”

Mall is packed, no place to park
Somebody’s crying in the food court
Santa’s sweating, so am I
Saw a guy fistfight over pumpkin pie

Pre-Chorus
I had a plan, I really did
Then life said, “Nah, forget that, kid”

Chorus
I swear I ordered this in November
I checked out twice, I hit “confirm”
Now I’m wrapping gas station beef jerky
Saying, “Hey… it’s rare and firm”
It’s a Christmas miracle, barely legal
Duct tape, hope, and store-brand cheer
I swear I ordered this in November
Merry Christmas, we’re winging it this year

Verse 2
Tree’s half dead, lights don’t match
Angel’s leaning like she’s had a six-pack
Neighbors judging through the blinds
Like they didn’t start this mess at nine

Kids ask questions I can’t explain
“Why’s Santa late?” “Why’s grandma yelling again?”
Dog ate tinsel, cat’s in the tree
There’s eggnog on the Christmas CD

Pre-Chorus
Relax, breathe, it’s all fine
Except the smoke coming from the kitchen line

Chorus
I swear I ordered this in November
Prime said “guaranteed” — bold lie
Now I’m Googling “last-minute gift ideas”
At a red light, don’t tell my wife
It’s festive panic, full-contact shopping
Heart rate hitting holiday cheer
I swear I ordered this in November
Merry Christmas, we’re winging it this year

Bridge (spoken / shouted)
Okay listen—
If you’re holding a receipt from Walgreens
At 11:47 p.m.
You’re not alone

Guitar Solo
(Sounds like frustration, regret, and a little eggnog)

Final Chorus (bigger, faster, gang vocals)
I swear I ordered this in November
Check the email, check my soul
Now I’m explaining why socks are meaningful
“Because they keep you warm and whole”
It’s duct-tape joy, rock-and-roll toys
And love held together with cheer
I swear I ordered this in November
Merry Christmas, we’re winging it this year

Outro
If it’s late, cheap, broken, weird
Or smells like gasoline
Just remember — next year’s different
(Yeah right… see you December 23rd)

6m ago
Cover image for “I Swear I Ordered This in November” 🎄
“I Swear I Ordered This in November” 🎄
R Music
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