Скачать или смотреть ■ i am both happy and sad,and i'm still trying to figure out how that can be

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► Happy birthday to meee!
I am 22 now and I feel so old haha Okay, the festives with the collabs were amazing but I wanted to share something very personal with you and actually make something for myself, as I believe I have grown a lot over the past few years.
I went through a lot of things the last 3 years, they were probably the worst of my life so far. I understood what loss is for the first time, losing 3 of my grandparents, two of them within 4 months. I am still trying to learn how to live with the fact that the people I have known all my life and helped raised me are gone and I will never see them again, I don't think that I will ever come to terms with this fact. I was in a relationship that ended bad for me, causing me to fall into a depression and not leave my house for nearly 6 months - my daily routine was to get out of bed in the morning and move to the sofa and then go from the sofa to the bed at night. I gained a lot of weight, lost all of my confidence and now, to this day, I don't leave my house if not necessary, because I am ashamed of how I look. I even had some pretty dark thoughts but somehow always found the way to regain my control. My biggest struggle is the fact that most of my classmates are finishing UNI this year and I still can't even get into one because of how expensive they are overseas and that makes me feel like a failure. The reason I am making this video is to portray some kind of a personal journey - every single quote I used is something I have felt or still feel to this day. I am slowly getting better, last year I moved to another city, this year, I moved to another country with my brother and am slowly trying to get on my feet. I still have my insecurities and am still battling my deamons but I am trying my best to stay positive and put my all into everything that I do. Why am I sharing this? Because I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way, because I am not the only one who uses vidding to escape a cruel reality - but here is the part where I want to say thank you to all of you! I have found so many loving people on YT,so many friends, so many people who support me and believe me, I couldn't make this without you. You are the reason why I am doing what I do, because if I touch even one of you with something I made, I am happy. If I can give the courage to not give up and try to fight as hard as you can with this video, I will be happy. That's why I want to be open and vulnarable with you all - I don't care who will read this, I am not ashamed of my struggles, I am proud, for they made me the person I am today and I wouldn't change a single thing I went through. So yeah, the long rant is over haha I will be surprised if any of you gets to this part but I just want to say this again - Thank you!
I really hope you like this video,as you can clearly see, I put my heart and soul in it.
Enjoy
xo

►Coloring: jula misiak

Twitter;   / mariaovcharovax  
Tumblr;   / me-youhaveme  
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