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Are you really listening?
Active Listening for Couples Exercise

When you are communicating with your partner, are you really paying attention?

Often we’ll listen to a conversation without really hearing him or her. In the process, we miss opportunities to connect with that person, and even risk making him or her feel neglected, disrespected, and resentful.

This exercise helps you express active interest in what the other person has to say and make him or her feel heard - a way to foster empathy and connection. This technique is especially well-suited for difficult conversations (such as arguments with a spouse) and for expressing support. Research suggests that using this technique can help others feel more understood and improve relationship satisfaction.

Time Required
At least 10 minutes. Try to make time for this practice at least once per week.

How to Do It
Find a quiet place where you can talk with a conversation partner without interruption or distraction. Invite him or her to share what’s on his or her mind. As he or she does so, try to follow the steps in the video. You don’t need to cover every step, but the more you do cover, the more effective this practice is likely to be.

Instructions adapted from: Markman, H., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S.L. (1994). Fighting for your marriage. San Francisco: Josey-Bass Publishers.