The Math of Love Triangles - feat. Rachel Bloom - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

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"The Math of Love Triangles"
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, and Jack Dolgen

Rebecca
WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO WHEN SHE’S STUCK BETWEEN MEN?
IT’S LIKE SHE’S A BARBIE WITH TWO PERFECT KENS
BUT WAIT, IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME
MAYBE I CAN SOLVE THIS WITH GEOMETRY!
YES, SMARTS CAN HELP THIS SITCHYWATION UNTANGLE
SO PROFESSORS: TEACH ME
THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES!
Yay! Time for book facts!

Male Dancers
A TRIANGLE IS A POLYGON
WITH THREE EDGES AND THREE VERTICES
TAKE THE BASE TIMES THE HEIGHT, CUT THAT IN HALF
TO FIND THE AREA OF THE SURFACES

Rebecca
UH-UH I WASN’T REALLY LISTENING BUT I CAN SEE
THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL’ OL’ ME!
THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES
ISN’T HARD TO LEARN.

Male Dancers
YOU’RE NOT TAKING IN WHAT WE’RE SAYING
WE’RE A LITTLE BIT CONCERNED

Rebecca
YES, THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES IS AS SIMPLE AS CAN BE!
WHICHEVER TOM OR DICK I MIGHT PICK
THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL' OL' ME!

Male Dancers
ACTUALLY A TRIANGLE HAS MULTIPLE CENTERS!
THIS TRIANGLE’S SCALENE.

Rebecca
THAT’S ASTUTE. SO I NEED TO DECIDE
WHICH MAN’S MORE ACUTE!

Male Dancers
HERE’S PYTHAGORAS’ THEOREM...

Rebecca
WILL THIS HELP ME CHOOSE?
IF NOT, I’LL BE SWINGING FROM A HYPOTENOOSE!

Male Dancers
LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THIS LINE BISECTS

Rebecca
IS THAT SPELLED BIS-E-X?!

Male Dancers
THOSE ARE GOOD PUNS BUT PLEASE PAY ATTENTION—

Rebecca
OH NO, PROFESSORS,
AM I FACING SUSPENSION?
WHEE! A SWING! IT’S LITERAL SUSPENSION!
THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES
ISN’T HARD TO LEARN

Male Dancers
WE’RE STARTING TO SUSPECT
YOU DON’T SINCERELY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT TRIANGLES

Rebecca
YES, THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES IS AS SIMPLE AS CAN BE!
I NEED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MEN
BUT UNTIL THEN
THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL’ OL’ ME!
IS THIS A TRIANGLE?

Male Dancers
NO, THAT’S A SHOE

Rebecca
IS THIS A TRIANGLE?

Male Dancers
NO, THAT’S YOU.

Rebecca
SO I’M A TRIANGLE?

Male Dancers
WHAT? NO.

Rebecca
1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 3, GO!

Matt
You don’t seem to know how to count!

Scott
We are sincerely worried about you.

Rebecca
CATCH ME!

Jeff
You’re ruining the number!

Male Dancers
THIS ANGLE’S RIGHT.

Rebecca
WHICH ANGLE’S RIGHT?

Male Dancers
NO, NOT RIGHT LIKE CORRECT.

Rebecca
OOOH, ARE YOU ERECT?!

Male Dancers
NO, 90 DEGREES.

Rebecca
THAT’S REALLY ERECT!
THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES--
IS SUPER DUPER FUN!

Male Dancers
WE’RE TIRED OF ALL YOUR TANGENTS
THAT’S ALSO A TRIANGLE PUN.

Rebecca
OHHHHHH
THANKS FOR TEACHING ME MAN MATH!
YOU ALL DESERVE A KISS!

Male Dancers
LADY, WE’RE ALL GAY
WE GET NOTHING OUT OF THIS.

Rebecca
NEITHER MAN WILL NOTICE MY LEARNING DISABILITY
‘CAUSE THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE
IS LIL' OLD
SEXY LITTLE BABY
ME!!!!