"Tell Me When" is an original song I wrote recently about the infinite heartache of a lost love, the end of a long marriage. Knowing how my own loved ones have grieved a lifetime, I ask the question WHEN? When will I not love him anymore? When will it no longer hurt to think about him? Or see him? Or hear that he's with someone new? When? My love is permanent. I need room in my life for something different now. Something to fill in the loneliness and yet the time isn't now....so when? When will I be okay?
I find catharsis is writing poetry and lyrics that express what I'm feeling. Even in the sad songs. When I am having a bad day and feel like if I say anything to anyone, I will just fall apart, then I listen to what I've already had to say about it and it gives me clarity. And puts words to what I am feeling- sometimes I can't say it. And going back to what I've written lets me have closure. But, the wound is still open and I don't know how the grief subsides.
My mom wasn't allowed to my dad's funeral. And she loved him more than she probably ever loved anyone. But, she wasn't his wife anymore. I think about forty years from now. Will I be a stranger, not allowed to grieve when I lose him again? We were more than family for decades. And now we are almost enemies. Yet, still allies because we have children together. No one has ever hurt me more than this man. It's only because I loved him that this pain is possible. Letting go is so hard. I can't accept him being with another woman. I don't know that I will ever be okay with that. This is against God's will. No, it's against my will. Years ago, I felt God put it upon my heart that it's okay to let him go. But I couldn't. It seems, I still can't. So, this song is "Tell Me When."
To the ladies out there, or the men, who lost the person who they believed was their true love, how are you now? How long did it take for you to feel solid again? To feel grounded? Or, do you yet?
May God provide us with the healing we need to live the best life we can from here onward. May the Lord allow us- or force us if need be - to forgive those who have sinned against us. So, we might too be forgiven for our sins. And we can't move on, if we can't forgive. And I don't want to! But, I need to. So, I pray God will force me - just let his will be mine. That is, make me want to forgive. Let forgiveness just happen. Because this anger and heartache is a burden and I want a "WHEN" where I will be okay again.
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#middleaged #menopause #sadsong #movingon #movingonstrong #whenwillmylifebegin #whenwillibeloved #gettingoverbreakup
#breakup
The introduction of Ai like Suno has opened a door for artists like myself, who have something to SAY but don’t have a production crew to bring it together. I have written thousands of poems and have ached to share my work. Now, I have a platform and the tools to do so. Don’t begrudge the tools. Is a writer who handwritten, types their work, or uses voice to text any less of a writer? If you used spellcheck or grammar check, are you a plagiarist? Is a person who uses a car instead of walking or riding a horse to work lazy? If you rode in a plane instead of flapping your arms, would you suddenly not end up at your destination? Ai is a tool that I have used to support my work, not replace it. Ultimately, I would love a real person to sing the songs I’m writing and real musicians to play the music. That is something I AM WORKING ON!
"Altered or synthetic content" Label is required by YouTube. The lyrics in this song are entirely mine and written by me. The instruments and voice(s) in the song are synthetic (Ai). In the same way a writer may use an outline, storyboard, or mockup, I use Ai to bring my song to life. My song videos are drafts of what I would want my song to sound like. Imagine your favorite music artist performing the songs I'm writing. I own the content in this video. I pay Suno for the rights to use their tools. The lyrics are poems and songs that I have written.
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