10 Insane Vintage Beauty Tips from Arlene Dahl /Love Facials?!

Happy New Year lovelies
Since Arlene Dahl recently passed away, I wanted to share some vintage beauty tips from her beauty books.

1. Consume a bottle of wine every day (if you want to lose weight).

Dahl's "Happy Diet" consists of a bottle of wine per day, four eggs, a teeny-tiny steak, half a head of lettuce (Bibb or limestone — don't cheat with romaine or iceberg! ), and lemon if you have a sweet tooth — which sounds like the ideal recipe for eradicating hunger pangs because you'll be passed out all day. "A psychiatrist who now specializes in weight reduction," Dahl says of her weight-loss guidance.

2. Consume bone meal.

This plant fertilizer and pet nutritional supplement, sometimes known as "bone manure," is one of the superfoods Dahl advises. (There are no calories!) She admits that you have to deceive yourself into eating it by mixing it with juice, but it does sound better than some of her other diet meal options, such as cooked lettuce (a head of iceberg serves four) and jellied borscht.

3. Always seek advice from a man.

This suggestion, which appears to negate Dahl's whole output, is the title of his first beauty book. It doesn't matter. "I found that men are considerably more objective when it comes to analyzing a woman's attractiveness," she says, because he appears to be incompatible with a particular taste or point of view.

4. Use a man's, er, egg whites to moisturize your face.
Dahl mentions names on almost every page, but she won't say which females are getting the "love facial," which she describes as "the most beautifying facial of all." Weekly semen treatments, according to Dahl, are responsible for the "legendary complexions" of "history's leading courtesans and today's most recognized women." She advises, "Let it dry and firm on your skin." "Rinse with lukewarm water and examine yourself in the mirror after a time (don't rush!)." In fact, take a long look in the mirror since this is an excellent moment to evaluate when and how your life went off the rails. Oh, and avoid getting any of it in your eyes because ocular herpes is a real thing.

5. Use Champagne to wash your hair.

If Champagne isn't your thing , try conditioning your hair with beer like Greer Garson or putting half a sandwich (mayo and avocado) on top like Ann-Margret. Bubbly is said to be fantastic for red highlights (if you're blonder than Barbie, that is). Alternatively, you can stand on your head to increase blood flow to your scalp. "You should choose [your hair's] look as carefully as you would a frame for a magnificent work of art," she says.

6. Put on mascara before going to bed.
Dahl, like Dolly Parton, does not feel that simply because no one will see you, you should not wear cosmetics. "Unless I'm wearing false eyelashes, I'm rarely without [mascara]," she writes. "I even take it to bed with me." Even if you plan on going asleep, I don't feel the glamour should end when you turn off the lights." Rowrrr.

7.
Once a week, treat yourself to a painful deep-tissue massage because, dammit, beauty is agony, and money doesn't grow on trees. According to Dahl, Rolfing, or "the unification of human structures," was popular among Cary Grant, Greta Garbo, and Georgia O'Keeffe.

8. Do not wear more than three colours or diamonds to breakfast.
Dahl never explains why she is against Cheerios and bling. She does, however, have a lot to say about why she — and reputedly legendary costume designer Edith Head — are adamantly opposed to a woman wearing more than a trio of colours at once, including her hair and eye colours. If you're able, do the following: "Color emits light vibrations that can merge with the vibrations of your own personality. You will be happiest when these beats are in sync; however, if they conflict, you may become unhappy and unable to express yourself. Learn your own colour vibrations and incorporate them into your outfit and home." Dahl isn't aware of tie-dye.

9. Avoid using a big pillow.
"If you sleep on your back, a huge pillow will press your chin into your chest, encouraging a double chin," Dahl says.
" Never fear if you can't live without your fluffy headrests. Dahl claims that if you push hard enough, you can just stick your two chins into a singularity.
10. Be expecting a child.
Dahl does not suggest pregnancy as a "routine beauty treatment," but she does describe the months spent with a kid as "beautiful." A woman is supposed to glow as another (radioactive?) creature grows inside her, but perhaps she's just following Dahl's instructions to stay "slim and trim" everywhere else, gain no more than 20 pounds, get her hair done right before the baby arrives, and fit back into her old clothes no later than three weeks after giving birth. Dahl brags about dancing four hours a day eight months after giving birth to one of her children.
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