Asking if you felt loved by your narcissistic abuser

In the course of coming to terms with how one was treated as a child a common refrain is often ‘my parent definitely loved me’. Sometimes in session, as we work a little further the question arises of whether the person felt loved by this parent. This question is sometimes met with pause or self-recrimination for being too sensitive to not look past the “occasional” bouts of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. But where we often arrive at is that although the parent claimed to have loved the person up and down the survivor does not have the experience of feeling loved by that parent. Often, they have had to think there is something wrong with themselves for not feeling this way until it becomes safe to look at why they did not feel loved in the first place.

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