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How one qualify as a narcissist's target
One develops into a narcissistic target from their childhood. A child is dependable, impressionable and emotional rather than rational. A responsible adult or caregiver either can develop this into independent critical thinking over time or make them even dependable by belittling, controlling. A narcissist uses the latter for the narcissistic supply needs.
The best targets are those developed as Empaths; they are very sensitive to others emotions and lack critical thinking. They crave for others' emotional needs. They are more easily influenced than others. They have super sensitive emotional antennae. They are sensitive to anger, sadness or outrage, so they have more anxiety..
Empaths inner beauty, weak boundaries and compromised internal strength and strong need for connection make them more vulnerable to narcissistic hands.
Identifying with being an Empath and / or with being born into a narcissist regime can help you understand how your origins have impacted your life so far, and can also remind you that it's not your fault. Most importantly , it can help you draw a line and make the decision to take your future into your own hands. Where you go from here is entirely within your power.
Grandiosity
We are born with an inherent grandeur. This is an inner sense of specialness which we can tap into and which can spur us to both create and to become more than we are.
Grandiosity is one person’s grandeur in comparison to another’s. It is ego based. It makes us want to be bigger and better than other people. I pits us against one another. Unchecked, grandiosity can be an ugly thing. If we are all blindly following our grandiose instincts, we could destroy ourselves and each other in an attempt to rise to the top.
Shame
Shame is a complacent emotion. But it balances one’s grandiosity. The shame aims to bind society together. Depending on the situation, it will either cut you down or grow and improve.
Shame / grandiosity continuum
Shameful
I am less than human. I am inferior and incapable. I am not special. I exist to serve others.
Healthy Shame
I am a human being. I am capable and influential with limits.
I am as worthy as the next person.
We all exist to support each other.
Grandiose
I have infinite ability and power. I am better than everyone. People exist to serve me.
The law of grandiosity is the shame based reaction of a person who is with someone who they perceive as being of higher status.
Toxic Shame
If somebody creates a scenario where you believe that you are beneath them and makes you feel small, they will activate your shame. you dive into believing you are below the level of humanity and less than human, feel inferior. If they shame you enough and reinforce it continuously in the relationship, you will stay there. I will become a part of your core identity. You express yourself less and doubt yourself more. You will become more cooperative. Your respective places on opposite ends of the continuum will become solidified, and unfair balance of power will be achieved. ]
This is what the narcissist is counting on.
The core of the narcissistic
The majority of humans are willingly influenced by their emotions. Empathy allows us to feel the plight of another person and want to help them. Shame regulates our grandiosity and also lets us know we are humans and need constant improvement and adjustment. Guilt forces us to reflect on our wrong actions and make amends,
A narcissist is not in touch with their empathy or shame. Because they don’t feel shame, their grandiosity runs unchecked. However, in order to feel grandiose all the time they need people to feed it. On the shame / grandiosity continuum, the narcissist aims to push other people as far towards the other shame end. If a person who is victimized, feels shame and guilt induced by a narcissist, they internalize with them. It is like someone who feels depressed for a longer time then becomes a depressed person. Anger over a long time makes an angry person.
Shamelessness create shame in others by narcissist in a very subtle ways
Strive away to be in control- you are sweeping, then the narcissist will snatch the broom. It gives a feeling of not knowing the job. A really healthy person would be able to learn at their own pace.
Eye rolling: let the victim feel I am tolerating you and allow you to be around me.
Laugh at your weakness: let the narcissist know what you do not know.
Ask critical questions: why did you arrange plates like this? It is for the victim to feel incompetence
When you share something genuinely important to you, the narcissist changes the topic, or simply nods. They do this to indicate you cannot induce emotions in them.
Not allow you to set boundaries: narcissists assume they know the best for you. Make decisions without consulting you. This attempt objectifies you.
Compare you to others: show a man and say he is muscular like her previous boy friend.