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Falling in love with someone who is NOT in love with you is all too common for people who grew up shamed and emotionally abandoned by parents. It's easy to confuse casual sex with something more meaningful when you've developed an ability to "magicalize" love. Sex feels like love. An idea sounds like your life's entire destiny, and the resulting emotional pain from the disappointment that follows can then be rationalized away with more magical thinking: You tell yourself you're not being spiritual enough, or your expectations are too high, or your trauma is making you "overreact" when the crying and rage you feel is a legitimate response to feeling tricked. The person tricking you, however, might just be you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who's trauma-driven thinking around a lost relationship could cost her the land, the home and the community she loves.
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