Скачать или смотреть 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work By John Gottman, 6 Indicators of a Troubled marriage:Summary

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Today’s big idea comes from John Gottman and Nan Silver and their bestselling book ‘7 Principles for Making Marriage work’.

For more than 16 years Gottman and his team observed and recorded how couples interacted. They interviewed them, took physiological readings of their physical and emotional states and followed them as they went through different phases of their marriages. Based on this data, Gottman developed an impressive ability to predict with 91% accuracy if a couple would divorce or stay together - sometimes after as little as 5 minutes of observing a couple interact.

‘7 principles for making marriage work’ is in its essence a guide- and workbook for assessing the state of marriages and for saving those that are at risk of failing.

As always, we highly recommend reading the whole book. You can buy it by clicking our affiliate link: https://amzn.to/3nq54Oh
Our ‘Bouillon Cube’ summary of the book is divided into two parts. This is ‘part one’ where we will focus on ‘indicators of a troubled relationship’
The first step toward improving or enhancing a marriage is to review and understand the indicators of a troubled marriage. Gottman identifies 6 indicators which are as follows:

#1: ‘Harsh Startup’.
#2 The Four Horsemen.
‘Criticism’: If marriage-partners often criticize each other for ‘who they are’, as opposed to complaining about something ‘the partner did’’ the ‘alarm bells’ should start sounding.
'Contempt': ‘Showing contempt’ for a partner by, for example, eye-rolling, mocking or using disrespectful words or body language is also a warning sign…
'Defensiveness': Displaying Defensive behaviour during discussions without taking any responsibility for the conflict or being open to change is basically another way of saying “The problem isn’t me, it’s you!.
‘Stone Walling’ – i.e. Completely ignoring a partner - even when screamed at, is the fourth horsemen. Some typical stonewall responses are stony silence, changing the subject or simply leaving.
#3 ‘Flooding’
#4 ‘Body Language’.
#5 ‘Failed Repair Attempts’.
#6 ‘Bad Memories’.

As bleak as all this sound, John Gottman is convinced that many marriages can be saved by strengthening the friendship that is at the heart of every marriage! And the key to doing this?! ‘The 7 Principles of making marriage work’ which we will review in part two.

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