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📼Videos mentioned:📼
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How to Show Your Ex You’ve Changed (Without Contact): High-Cost vs Low-Cost Signals

I break down a common question: how to show an ex you’ve changed when you’re blocked or not in contact. I explain signaling theory and the difference between low-cost signals (texts, long letters, deep social posts, performative run-ins, proximity contact, quick dating to look “high value,” and even “no contact” when it’s just a tactic) versus high-cost signals (quiet, long-term lifestyle change with no immediate benefit). I argue that trying to prove you’ve changed is often proof you haven’t changed yet, because real change creates “busy silence,” emotional regulation, and a shift in identity rather than performative acts. I describe how an ex has a recent “mental folder” of you based on the last 6–12 months, and how expectancy bias leads them to expect chasing, shallow fixes, jealousy, control, or guilt—so repeating those behaviors confirms their fears. The goal is pattern interruption: sustained deep work disrupts their expectations over time and becomes noticeable through ripple effects in reputation, word of mouth, and changed day-to-day interactions even without mutual friends or social media. I compare performative growth to “nouveau riche” behavior and transformative growth to “stealth wealth,” emphasizing discipline, process over outcomes, and doing the work without seeking praise. I invite viewers to join my Relationship Bootcamp and conclude that reaching out to announce change misses the point, can feel self-focused, and reinforces the old dynamic; the turning point for successful members is detaching from the relationship from a place of care and committing to deeper growth, which can change the relationship dynamic and increase the chance of reconciliation.

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Chapter Titles with Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
00:55 Understanding the Paradox
02:23 Signaling Theory: Low Cost vs High Cost Signals
05:45 What Are Low Cost Signals?
08:16 What Are High Cost Signals?
12:01 Busy Silence vs No Contact
14:55 Why This Matters: Pattern Interruption
16:24 Breaking the Pattern of Expectancy Bias
21:45 The Ripple Effect: Growth Is Never a Secret
25:57 Performative vs Transformative Growth
31:16 Your Partner Is Always Paying Attention
32:48 The Wealth Analogy: Nouveau Riche vs Stealth Wealth
42:44 Conclusion: The Turning Point

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