In my 20's I was given many labels, and after an episode of "Mania " my drug treatment expanded from Amitriptilline , an anti depressant , to a cocktail of 5 drugs designed to tame my mind and let me sleep. They did not . I was on Anti Psychotics ( Seretide and Chlorpromazine ), Antidepressants , a Benzodiazepine, Lithium and Beta Blockers . Many patients never come off such drugs, once put on Lithium it is usually for life .Nowadays many psychiatrists speak out against the use of drugs as Big Pharma and the bias in research makes for big questions.. We just do not know enough about the brain.
The story of "chemical imbalance " that promoted the SRSI's like Prozac that are now prescribed to millions is not based on science. It was clever marketing. We can sedate or excite the brain, that's about all we know . There is no test to show a "chemical imbalance". We have been conned and so has your GP. Medics know nothing of nutrition, of food as medicine, it is not on the curriculum. There are books written about the Prozac dosing of the masses
If we listen to Thich Nhat Hanh (Zen Buddhist monk often called "The Other Dalai Lama") we learn that we can become able through practice to generate energies of peace and calm. This is what our suicidal youngsters need to hear, they need to be empowered to believe that they can one day feel peaceful and safe, feel love and gratitude, that this is possible.
I had a dream last week in which I told a group of suicidal youngsters that I too had felt that way for 5 long years when I was their age. They suddenly were listening to me with attention once they realised I had been in that place. I told them there was a way out, they could grow a better way of being, it was just about practice and changing habits . About kindness and self nurture .As I shared this I got a huge pouring of energy into my heart and crown, so delicious . I took this as affirming my choice to abandon my privacy and speak about my journey, to share something of the personal not just the teachings.My daughter was in the dream too affirming the fact that I now live from a place of deep appreciation and gratitude, she could see how this way I teach works. It is the way of the ancients, the teachers who have gone before, knowing what it is to be human and to suffer but also how to expand beyond that into a place of lightness of being.As another dream told me "IT is all about the difference between small I and big I " And being a dream the word I was about self and also about seeing, that we need to become able to see the bigger picture. To transcend the story of our own personal suffering, to see it in the context of a much bigger picture so that instead of being victim to it we become an expanded version of ourselves, more loving and giving . We realise that there are so many others with stories like ours, we find a way to connect to that with compassion for others, and in so doing we find compassion for ourselves, love starts to flow, we are free. "Breathing in , I feel a space inside.Breathing out, I feel free. " Thich Nhat Hanh practice from Plum village Pebble Meditation.
I feel I have much to say , to teach as when I was young I tried my very hardest to get well but my path, my method was all wrong and the sickness grew deeper.Trying to pretend that I was fine just created more dissonance, the outer life I lived felt so false and unreal and pointless. We have to learn how to be and how to find authentic connection.. This happened even with a kind and skilful therapist ( in those days available on the nhs, I was supported for 2 yrs ). As we did not address the content of my thought , weeds were left to grow huge. The mind , the emotions, the body and energies all need our awareness and care on this journey of becoming .
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