get it off my chest until there's nothing left

Art by fiiedy https://www.instagram.com/fiiedy?igsh...

These past few months have been an turbulent one. Ive struggled with keeping connections without self sabotaging. The way I see my friends has been distorted, sometimes they're all that i have and I pray I'll have them forever, other times I know they view me as an evil revolting freak, and I just want to self destruct and vanish. Couple that with my growing worry I'm becoming ungodly by focusing more on art and friends. I worry I won't be able to change fast enough to keep people around. I've taken so much off my chest, that there's nothing left

I've been scared to express my feelings about this with anyone. I hate fights and confrontation, genuinely. But this has always been my safe space for art, not needing to worry about what my friends think unless I outright ask them. Why not express my disconnect with emotions and intimacy here? I hope you all enjoy this project, God bless you all

tracklist

1. did i imagine you, old friend? | 0:00
2. unease in your embrace | 2:06
3. the first time i waited for you | 3:46
4. i don't trust my heart, nor mind | 5:21
5. if i held my breath, i'd choke | 7:36
6. you never loved me, did you? | 10:00
7. tell me sweet nothings / when i'm dead, to ease guilt | 11:59
8. hate gutted like a fish | 18:09
9. don't waste time, then weep when it's useless | 20:20

Isabel left Tara in the midnight realm. Isabel wanted to save Tara, but Tara was too stubborn the first time. Maybe the second or third time, Tara would've opened up to it. But Isabel never gave Tara that opportunity. Isabel left to join the perfect world of the tv show again, leaving Tara in hell for 28 years. Maybe that's what my friends are told to do with me. I'm not supported, I'm pushed. I need to change to join them, but what if its too late to join them. What if I've burned so many bridges, I have to swim in the river now? What if I drown? No one will pull me out, all I can do is hop on the wet rocks and hope I don't land on one with my head. Maybe God wants me to stay on the other side