7 Stages of Emotional Affairs + Additional TIPS

Welcome back to LOLAandOLA.com. Let’s talk about the 7 stages of an emotional affair; a sequel to “5 signs of an emotional affair”.

Be sure to watch that video too.

As usual, we are answering your question. Feel free to continue leaving them in the comment area or send an email to [email protected]

Let’s check out this story.

“So my wife seems to be having an emotional affair with her boss.

She locked me out of her home computer a few months back (it was shared).

Just before that I noticed she'd been trying to find a way to stop her phone messages being saved in the cloud.

When I did see some of her messages she's been texting with him all times of day and at weekends.

When she went away on a trip a couple of times, he was getting pictures and texts etc. I got nothing.

He talks back with her a lot.

She's deleted a lot of the texts (presumably the worst ones??).

Some of the texts seem to be suggestive but I can't see if they lead anywhere but I don't think anything physical has happened.

It's more flirting.”

Sorry about this trauma. It’s going to take a lot of work to get out of this funk. And I am sorry you have to go through this.

Maybe understanding the stages of emotional affairs can help you put things in better perspective so you can move forward in the most effective way.

Let’s get into it.

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Stage 1
Void

In order for another person to occupy the space of intimacy in a relationship, there must be some type of void.

This is not to blame or assign fault away from the transgressor to the other partner but to highlight the fact that it is what it is.

Stage 2
Friendship

You’ve always had friends anyway. For women, they often need to feel safe and secure.

So the closest person to that when there is a void they want to fill in their present relationship or marriage are ex’s.

Ladies. Be careful with keeping friendships with your exes. It might seem innocent because after all there are stages.

Stage 3
Sharing

In this stage, the transgressor is getting comfortable and starting to share intimate details with the loser on the side.

Why are they losers? It’s just the reality because you are clearly not 100% emotionally available but yet, they are hoping to build something serious usually.

Stage 4
Secrecy

What happens next? The transgressor is leaving exhibits and digital footprints on SMS, text messages and WhatsApp right?

Stage 5
Fantasy
Up till this stage, nothing has necessarily happened physically. But the natural order of things is for the mind to engage images of going all the way through.

At this stage, the transgressor is starting to fantasize not just about physical intimacy but also about what life could be like with the side person.

Stage 6
LOLA - Dependency

At this stage, the transgressor has spent a lot of energy on this side relationship. Yes. they might as well call it a relationship because it’s denial.

They’ve started to fantasize about life with this person and the last thing they want you to call the interaction is an affair.

Stage 7
OLA - Justification
At this stage, a transgressor is actively trying to turn a lie into a truth.

Actually, they are probably being honest since they have been intimate with another person consistently over a period of time.

There is an illusion of greener grass on the other side.

Many pieces of advice on the internet will probably be conclusive and I know that you probably don’t want to end the marriage. So it’s confusing at best.

You might not know how far the affair has gone but it really doesn’t matter. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much if not more because of the fear of the unknown.

Reference our last video for recovery tips if you’ve caught your partner in this bad behavior. It’s called “5 Signs of An Emotional Affair + 5 RECOVERY TIPS”.


We share our own story inside the book "GET MY MARRIAGE BACK" which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

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Lola & Ola Abitogun of LolaAndOLA.com started dating in March of 2004. They fell in love and got married in August 2007. They are blessed with kids. After 10 years of ups and downs with a marriage that was basically non-existent for 2 full years, they’ve found real love at last, got their marriage back. They have also decided to use this medium to share how they did it so that anyone can use it to save and fix their broken marriage.

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