What Makes A Relationship Work? | Facebook Walk With Reid At Malibu

Reid: Hello sex geek. It is Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/. And it is certainly become sunset. I'm actually in Malibu today and I can show you the ocean way over there. Can you see it? I was filming a podcast today with and I have horrible hair because I was just in the in the pool. I was shooting a podcast recording a podcast today with Neil Strauss and Gabrielle Reece for their podcast called the Truth Barrel. And we had a really awesome geeky talk about relationships and healthy relationships and we're coming at it from the perspective of casual sex and talking about how do you make people feel safe? How do you get consent? How do you be healthy in asking for things that may be culturally you know not approved? You know if we're talking about casual sex and the idea that it's like kind of not culturally acceptable although it might be more culturally acceptable these days. So we're talking about that and we really just kind of dove into all the nerdy stuff about you know just healthy relationships and dating your species and the difficult conversation formula. And I'll put I'll put these links in the comments after I'm done with this but I was gonna head back down into Los Angeles and I have to fly tomorrow to Guelph University in Toronto. I'll stay to Toronto for the Guelph sexuality conference.


And I just wanted to give you an opportunity to look at this beautiful Vista while I had it. You can take a look at and way back there is the Truth Barrel which is the sauna that um that we do the podcast in. And that is where the truth comes out because its 200 degrees and we were super sweaty and nerdy and having all the fun. But the main thing that we were talking about was really just you know what makes relationships work. And this is the same like these are the same principles period whether it's a casual relationship, whether it's friends with benefits, whether it's a friendship, it doesn't have to be a romantic or intimate in a sexual way relationship. And just like ideas about healthy relating and you know how do you keep things fresh and alive? And how do you find the courage to talk about the things that are really scary? How do you find the, the tools? And how do you practice them so that you know being truthful and honest and understanding how fear shuts us down? You know how do you have the emotional tools so that you can walk towards your fear and have the scary conversations with your partners that that you might feel afraid to have. That you might feel afraid to have because you're afraid that they're gonna ruin the relationship. And you know we're talking about how relationships are kind of you know we're taught that the longer you have a relationship the more successful it was. And how that's about duration and rather than duration it should really be about depth. And when you when you think about it from depth perspective then it's really about truthfulness.

I just want to give you more ocean while I have sunlight but like how do you talk about the...how do you talk about the scary stuff when you're literally afraid that it's going to end the relationship and that kind of courage which is very similar to exercising those courage muscles when you want to talk about you know having safer sex with somebody that you just meeting. And, and then what, what happens when you risk the opportunity because you're actually having a real conversation and that's kind of the same muscle the courage muscle of risking the long-term relationship by having a conversation that you've been holding off for many years on.


So it was a really fascinating conversation. It was super nerdy and fun to be in the sauna and just geeking out and to get to meet Gabrielle. I've known Neil for a while and helped him with the book that came out a little while ago called The Truth. And so we got to geek out on the Casual Sex Protocols, the Difficult Conversation Formula, the Awkward Formula, talking about relationships and self-expression and using the analogy that music is kind of like relationships and that you should really be asking yourself. Not how can you become a better classical musician. The idea of being the conservatory is what we all went to and we're taught you know the classical music is the best but can you give yourself permission to ask yourself which kinds of what kind of music comes through you. Like how does intimacy and love come through you are you a jazz musician, are you rock musician, are a
country musician and then how do you find the people of the same expression to be in your band.

So that was it. That's what we did today. We nerd it out on things and it’s really fun. And do you want to say hi Facebook people? This gentleman right here is the sound man.


Guy: Hey everybody.


Reid: Hey everybody.


Neil: I’ve been with Reid for over five or six years.


Reid: Five or six years. Yeah. Do you want to say hi to my Facebook people?


Gabrielle: Hi everyone. Gabrielle Reece here.