How Can I Transition From Casual Sex To A Relationship?

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Cathy: So we were talking in some…a video where we just shot about how to initiate sex if you're out on a date or hanging out with someone that might be a friend like you're not sure and this person wrote in and said, “I know I have some casual sex protocol weak spots and I'm looking forward to the program that they just purchased from you. On the other hand, how do I initiate or negotiate entering into a relationship with someone? I feel that during the first couple of dates especially the first one or even the first one I can broach casual sex and set boundaries on things that will keep it pleasurable, balanced, and healthy. However, I feel like talking about having a relationship with someone isn't really a first rating fifth date topic because you don't know the person well enough to know whether a relationship with…with them would work but if someone something has moved for if we're in just casual sex area, how can I talk about transitioning from casual sex to a relationship?”
And I'm sitting here with Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/

Reid: And that's Cathy Vartuli from http://theintimacydojo.com/ if you haven't figured that out already. Hmmm, yeah cool. So I…the way do you have a…I have thoughts but do you…I’m interested in your thoughts.

Cathy: Do you want me to start? You were interested in my thoughts?

Reid: Yes. Cathy will now… Cathy Vartuli of The Intimacy Dojo will now share her thoughts.

Cathy: Sometimes you can't stop me. So I think talking about it like just sitting down and saying “Hey, I'm noticing that I really enjoy our time together.” And I've had this conversation before it's like “Wow this feels kind of special like I’ve…”

Reid: On a first date?

Cathy: Not on a first date

Reid: but it’s not with their scenario

Cathy: They’re asking…you know they said that he didn’t or he or she said they didn't know if it was a first date conversation

Reid: Oh

Cathy: but they're asking about how to transition from casual sex arena to like you're having casual sex with someone and that's what you negotiated and now you're like “Huh, this feels really like I might want to take this further.”

Reid: Got it.

Cathy: So it is for me, I always find it very awkward and I feel shy like “I've already agreed on this. I shouldn't be having feelings, I shouldn't be interested anymore.” But talking to someone like Hey, I'm noticing that this feels kind of special like I'm really enjoying our time together without bring out that reaction to you like he’s

Reid: I don’t know

Cathy: looking now…you’re looking now all startled

Reid: Is this whole video just you declaring your undying love for me, Cathy?

Cathy: I was talking to them.

Reid: Are you…how do I know that you're not the one who submitted this question?

Cathy: Well it’s

Reid: Dan, dan, dan!

Cathy: it’s actually spelled much better than I would do.

Reid: Oh! Oh!

Cathy: Bad spelling, bad spelling

Reid: Spell check before you send stuff to Cathy everyone

Cathy: No, he said they spoke better that I do.

Reid: Oh, oh okay, I take it back.

Cathy: Yeah, no I’m a, I’m a, I’m a

Reid: That’s true Cathy’s

Cathy: really best. He corrects

Reid: apostrophes – it’s and its

Cathy: They’re random

Reid: Bad

Cathy: I feel like it's an equal distribution, they should be as distributed evenly throughout the sentence.

Reid: Wow, okay so punctuation aside.

Cathy: No, so like I’ve taught…I've had the conversation where I was having a casual sex relationship with someone and I was starting to feel

Reid: feels

Cathy: feels and I tend to be less direct than you. I was a

Reid: that’s a [Inaudible 00:03:12]

Cathy: Wow.

Reid: Ouch

Cathy: Wow. I’m just going to go over here quietly by myself like

Reid: It’s okay, I’ll take over. No, come on. Come back, come back. I hope that…I hope you’re enjoying this.

Cathy: [Laughing] I’m not.

Reid: ‘coz we are. Okay, so I'm way direct in you but

Cathy: Yes but I was like the like I would express like this felt really good like “I'm…it feels kind of special to me. I'm wondering how it felt for you?”

Reid: And you would be saying it that way because you're testing whether or not

Cathy: Well, I’m…I’m sharing

Reid: they have feels

Cathy: I’m sharing genuinely what I felt. I'm like kind of like broaching the topic but not like “Hey, I know we said casual sex but I think I have feels. Do you want to go further?” Like to me that feels very direct and uncomfortable.

Reid: Okay

Cathy: So I would rather like me I mean I think I mean clear enough maybe I'm not. I love feedback.

Reid: What’s the difference between the way you did it and the way I did it as far as like

Cathy: So how would you do it? Casual relationship, you’re