Cartman Gives Facebook Stock Investment Advice - SOUTH PARK

Cartman gets into the economics of social networking with his kick-ass podcast.
"You Have 0 Friends" S14

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We hear a sound from the computer.
STAN
What the hell is this? Podcast?
Stan clicks the mouse and a podcast appears on his screen - The title screen for Cartman's show.
CARTMAN (V.O.)
Welcome to Cartman's incredible podcast!
INT. MAD MONEY STYLE SET -- DAY
Cartman's podcast, 'MAD FRIENDS' is him dressed like Jim Kramer on a similar set to 'Mad Money' but all about facebook and facebook friends instead of Stocks.
CARTMAN
(talking way too loud)
Hello fellow facebookers, I am here to do ONE THING: Get YOU more friends!
Cartman walks over to a large monitor screen with Kyle's profile.
CARTMAN
Looking around facebook today we see that since adding loser Kip Drordy as a friend, Kyle Broflovski's stock is PLUMMETING. He had fifty five friends just two days ago, he's down to just ELEVEN this morning. Run to your facebook account and delete Kyle from your friends list because he is POISON and I don't see him making a comeback any time soon! You're going to want to dump Kyle and if at all possible add CLYDE DONOVAN. Why?
Cartman walks over to where a birthday cake with lit candles is sitting on the counter.
CARTMAN
BIRTHDAY!! That's right, Clyde has a birthday coming up and his mom is taking EVERYONE to Casa Bonita. If you don't have Clyde as a friend you're going to want to add him because Clyde's numbers are about to go WAY UP. And now word on the street!
Cartman rushes over and cranks an old style megaphone.
MEGAPHONE
WORD ON THE STREET!
CARTMAN
The rumors are now becoming more than that - Jimmy and Bebe have agreed to share their friends! That's right, it looks like we are about to have a MERGER!
Cartman his a random button somewhere.
ROBOT VOICE
MERRRRR-GERRRRRR!
CARTMAN
So if you're a friend of Jimmy's, you're about to luck into about ninety chick friends, and as we all know chick friends are worth almost TRIPLE what dude friends are. That's all the time I have for today, remember update that profile and steer clear of Kyle!