Insist on TRUE LOVE, Reject FANTASY

Shared fantasy and especially idealization defense against triggering of early childhood traumas (hurt aversion, dread of intimacy and love): she is ideal, so will not hurt me, I am perfect, so above reproach and invulnerable.

Recreates secure base and symbiosis (back to womb).

Shared fantasy differs from infatuation and limerence:

Anomic (antisocial)-rigid delusional kingdom

Intensity (controlled dysregulation, like addiction)

Addiction

Immersion

Resonance, instant recognition

Divinity (invincibility)

Wholeness

Inexorability

No plateau, only transcendence

Impaired reality testing, fantasy, paracosm

Attribution errors, projection, splitting

Mutual infantile regression

Anxieties (loss, abandonment, rejection), catastrophizing

Negative affectivity

Anxiolytic control

Sublimated aggression, frustration, abuse

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