Скачать или смотреть O.P.P. CTV (Canada Traversers Version) (song cover)

One time while driving through Canada -- which I usually do when coming home from where I now live -- I saw the abbreviation for the Ontario Provincial Police on the side of one of their cars. It was an opportunity I couldn't get let slip by, or get out of my head.

The result of that happenstance is this totally made-up narrative song, an adaptation of Naughty by Nature's hit, "O.P.P." Note that this song has NO research behind it regarding the police procedures or traffic law in Ontario or anywhere else, and is not meant as a real representation of anything except some of the named places involved (and the insurance card, that is actually required of all U.S. drivers in Canada, though only a small fraction may know it).

Dedicated to the fine people of Canada and their excellent law enforcement officers.

ALL IMAGES USED IN ACCORDANCE WITH TERMS OF USE OF THE SITES

O.P.P. CTV (Lyrics)
Army with harmony, eh, hoser?
Dave, drop a load at the border

OPP, how can I explain it
I'll take you frame by frame-up
To have y'all hoppin' mad, I'm singing it
The O is for Ontario and P is for Provincial
The last P...well...that's not that simple
It's sort of like, oh well, another way to call a needle sticking
It's five little letters that are missing here
I see them on occasion on the shortcut home just when I'm racing
Then, crap, I gotta do some explaining
Busted!
I know my quickest way of getting home is cutting through
And doing 100 along the Q.E.W.
I look at Hamilton and Brantford as they're flying by
And see Toronto 'cross the lake from roadways in the sky
That's when I'm in the ON to the T to the A to the R-I-O
The sign says 100 is just as fast as I can go
The open road is great whenever I can get it
No other cars to worry 'bout; there's just room to hit it!
How many brothers put the pedal to the metal then
And push the needle on the dial up to a hundred ten
Well when I do, there's OPP, to take me down with it
Even with Triple-A membership

Chorus:
I'm stopped by OPP (Yeah they saw me) 3X
Who's stopped by OPP? (Anyone who speeds)
I'm stopped by OPP (Yeah they know me) 3X
Who's stopped by OPP? (All those who speed)

So, when they stop me, OPP asks "where's the fire?
You'd be traveling back in time if your speed were any higher"
But the sign, I said, 100's good, why you look so sour?
They're telling me back, "Sir, that's kilometers per hour"
That's getting me so steamed, you can tell with a thermometer
I say to the last...hmmm..."what's a kilometer?"
And then they say "Sir, it's on a sign
Posted just back a ways, it tells you exactly"
Well
If, like you say, there were conversion signs, I must have missed them
And I was sick at home the day they taught the metric system
Now, catching up with it was never high up on my list
My parents told me if you use it, you're a socialist
I've got to speed because I'm later than I would have hoped
I had to go back to my room to get my winter coat
Your radio had said the high today'll be 12 degrees
And now I'm sitting here and sweating in the summer breeze
Some said to take the nine over five times the C plus 32
I told them something else that starts with "F" and ends in "you!"
Maybe I can't think straight because I've eaten too much gluten
I'm stuffed with beaver tails and poutine

Chorus:
Don't fly with OPP (Yeah they saw me) 3X
What flies with OPP? (When you just don't speed)
Don't fly 'round OPP (Yeah they know me) 3X
What flies with OPP? (Keep down your speed)

I tried to make OPP leave
But they kept coming hard, asking all for my ID and insurance card
My C-N-I-M-V-L-I-C, what a silly name
It's like they're turning traffic law to a crazy game, I'm busted!
Right when they came back after checking me against their records
It's at that point that all my troubles turned to double-deckers
They said, "We have this problem on a notice from Quebec
It seems the other day you very nearly caused a wreck"
I said "You're joking, right? It's not as bad as it might look
It's certainly nothing you need to note down in your record book
Some fender-benders offer no demerit or disgrace
For all the driving that I'm doing in this crazy place
You know I never would have run that light the other day
The traffic sign I couldn't read 'cause it was en francais
But rule number one when OPP has got you down
Two extant moving violations gets you sent downtown
I didn't realize that catching me was so important
I wish those guys would just go back to hanging 'round Tim Horton's
My time in Canada, a big epic fail
When OPP comes, damn-- skippy I'm in jail

I'm caught by O.P.P. (yeah, they nabbed me) x3
Whose caught by O.P.P. (all guys like me)
I'm caught by O.P.P. (yeah, they nabbed me) x3
Whose caught by O.P.P. (all guys like me)