How To Stop Wasting Time With The Wrong People

Hi Richard,

I've seen a few of your videos and messaged you before. While I could be wrong, you "seem" very much to have your sh*t together, but more the point - you seem to be open and impartial. With me, I rate impartiality the top of the tree, more than anything else I wanted to get your opinions on something, where I think I know what your stance will be, but I just wanted to be sure.

Everyone, absolutely everyone, has their own list of "deal breakers", or things they wish to avoid, when dating a potential partner. Sh*t, it can be absolutely anything from A-Z. Anything at all....

Do you like tennis?
What are your socio-political leanings?
Do you like hiking....in forests? (I f*cking love it).
Are you prepared to cook your partner breakfast in bed once a month?
Do you like....say..."Entrepreneurial-type fellas that possibly drive nice cars?"
You a smoker/non-smoker?
You like horror movies?
What about certain....err...."bedroom issues"?
Dry sense of humour? (Mine is like the Sahara Desert).
You don't believe in s*x before marriage?
Do you drink, or tee-totaller?
Do you like reading?
Do you have kids? Want more than you already have?
(Just conjuring up random stuff here)

The issues at hand can be as broad and diverse as the Earth is patient. But what I can absolutely swear by is that everyone (male, female, animal, vegetable, or mineral) has this list in their head, whether it conscious or subconscious. People that say they don't are lying through their teeth. Having said that, I've had a lot of partners over the duration, some good, some bad, and make no f*cking mistake I've learnt an absolute truckload of different things over the duration. At the moment, I am in absolutely no interest whatsoever in meeting anyone right now, and for a range of reasons, but what really screws my head around the twist is the when/how of trying to clear up deal breakers. It's not what the deal breakers actually are, no. Rather when (how long to wait) to go about getting the info re: these deal breakers? This is why I am contacting you.

I have spoken to a number of friends of mine, both male and female, about this issue. And do you think I can get clear, consistent answers on this? Not f*cking likely. Let me be crystal clear, in absolutely no way, shape, or form do I sit myself down at a first date, slam my first beer (or wine) down on the table, and immediately ask: "So, what's your opinion on issues 'A', 'B', and 'C'?" You couldn't get me to do that with all the Whiskey in Tennessee. Not a hope in Hell. In no way am I that foot-in-mouth. But oddly enough, quite a few women I've dated have absolutely no problems whatsoever in slamming down their lists of demands and requirements before you've even taken the first sip of your drink. Needless to say, these dates do not progress past stage 1. The issue is, with some things, it's easy to figure out where things are at (e.g. smoker/non-smoker), but other things are not quite so obvious - much more subtle. But what has me tearing my hair out is hitting a brick-wall-deal-breaker, several months into the relationship. That has me kicking myself and rolling my eyes back in disbelief, thinking: "Why did I waste my f*cking time?!?" In some cases, these women are great people, but just incompatible with me. In other cases, they are absolutely certifiable. There has to be some sort of guidelines about WHEN/HOW to go about getting the info you need....something between the first 5 minutes and several weeks later? Like I said above, when chatting with people I know, I can't get anything close to some consistent advice.

As I said, you really seem to have your sh*t together, which is why I'm asking you.
Thanks mate.