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My name is Miss Mary. I live in a nursing home now, but it wasn’t always this way. I was born in Meridian, Mississippi a long, long time ago. I actually grew up in a tiny town called Collinsville.

I was the beauty queen, the homecoming queen, miss hospitality, best dressed, the most popular girl in school, AND I knew more bible verses than anybody in Lauderdale County and beyond. My public life was a stained-glass masquerade. It was shiny and close to perfect. My home life was anything but. It was stressful, chaotic, and completely out of control at best. My brother was developmentally challenged and experienced many violent and terrifying episodes which affected us adversely and resonated through my entire childhood and beyond.

He would beat me and assault me, yet my mother did everything she could to control it herself and protect him, because she didn’t want him to be institutionalized. She desperately tried to hold it all together on her own because my daddy was almost never home.

He travelled the world as a high ranking official in the military and while I rarely saw him, for many years, I thought the sun rose and set on HIM. He was my everything. But secretly on the inside I felt abandoned by him and wondered why he wouldn’t protect me and my mom from my brother. But he never ever did, and it created a fault line in my life that never allowed me to truly trust again. While I didn’t consciously know it, I was broken. I would go on from relationship to relationship trying to fill that brokenness with people that would hurt me then abandon me. I created walls as a defense, tried desperately to control everything and became self-destructive in more ways than I could imagine. What I didn’t realize was that I had somehow developed a sense of self-loathing that was so deep and profound it could only be healed by my God.

While I do know that now, I wish I hadn’t wasted all those precious years of my life. If I could have told myself one thing all those years ago, I would have said, “Put down the self-will and wait on God.” … And I would tell you this: no matter what, know that when you feel alone, there is a true love, one that will never ever abandon you and love you always, Jesus. Yes, Jesus Loves me.

Miss Mary Frances Vance McDonald (1923-2013)

@Robbie Watson 2022

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.