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Why Can't I Orgasm? | The Main Reasons Some Women Can't Orgasm With a Partner

Orgasms are not always present for every sexual encounter. While many women have expressed difficulty to orgasm, there is a population of women who can orgasm with themselves, but struggle to achieve an orgasm during sex with their sexual partner.

There’s a lot to consider about why this is, but it’s important to remember that the ability to reach orgasm isn’t the end all and be all to enjoy sex. It can often feel frustrating for women who wish they could experience an orgasm with a partner.

In this video, Modern Intimacy founder, Dr. Kate Balestrieri, unpacks some of the common reasons why some women can easily orgasm by themselves, but tend to struggle getting to the big O with her partner. To read more, check out Dr. Kate’s recent Poosh article on this topic: https://poosh.com/why-some-women-can-....

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What Gets in the Way of Orgasms?

One reason women experience difficulty reaching orgasm can be trust issues. It can be difficult for a woman to reach an orgasm when they are in the process of building trust with a partner or if they have been betrayed by that partner, or a past partner. It can feel scary to let someone in when a woman is still healing a past or ongoing betrayal wound.

Another reason a woman can struggle to achieve an orgasm during partnered sex can be due to intimacy issues within their sex life. Some women feel empowered and seek out intimacy and for others can feel vulnerable and anxious. Women find oftentimes when feel anxious about intimacy, it can be difficult to relax and enjoy the moment

Many women also experience shame around sex which can lead to difficulty orgasming or even orgasmic dysfunction. This shame can come from a woman’s upbringing and the messaging she received around her sexuality or women’s sexuality in general. She could have experienced a covert or overt sexual trauma that could have created a sense of shame around her sexual self. This shame can be in the back on a woman’s mind when she is engaging in sex and can impede her ability to orgasm.

Additional Orgasm Difficulty Factors

Many women experience frustration and confusion around their difficulty to orgasm and may not realize it could be due to having a limited education around her sexual health. She may not have had the opportunity to explore what really feels good to her and potentially hasn’t had partners who have asked. Educating oneself on our bodies (through research and personal exploration) can be helpful to learn the importance of aspects such as clitoral stimulation and increased blood flow to erogenous zones.

It’s also worth noting that a woman’s ability to orgasm can be impacted by certain medications she may be taking. For example, one of the side effects of certain medications to treat depression, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can be a decrease in sex drive and libido. While the medication may be crucial to maintaining one’s mental health, it unfortunately also has the ability to hinder one’s pleasure and interest in pleasure in general.

Help for Women Struggling to Orgasm with Partner

The good news for women struggling to orgasm with their partners is help is available via various relationship experts. If you are feeling as if you need more help and advice on how to improve your experience in the bedroom, many women choose to work with relationship therapists, sex therapists, and pelvic floor specialists.

For many, these issues are outside of what they have the knowledge or expertise to acknowledge and fix. There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you need support and guidance around your sexual health.

To read more about this topic, be sure to check out Dr. Kate Balestrieri’s article for Poosh here: https://poosh.com/why-some-women-can-...

To schedule a consultation or book an appointment with a Modern Intimacy therapist, please contact us here: https://www.modernintimacy.com/contact/

Inspired by:

Can’t Orgasm? Here’s Help for Women: https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditio...

Orgasmic Dysfunction: https://www.healthline.com/health/org....

What can cause orgasm problems in women?: https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-ques...

There’s Help for Women Who Can’t Achieve Orgasm: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/th...

Why Can’t I Orgasm? A Neuroscientist Explains: https://www.glamour.com/story/why-can...

Help! I Can't Have an Orgasm: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...